Thoughts in an empty house...
With the house as quiet as this, thoughts flow more..
Just sent two dear friends to the bus station about 3 hours ago. 3 hours - difficult to comprehend how fast time flies when you are all by yourself.
As I walked back from the bus station earlier, I felt a new sense of courage within me. I found this calm centre within me. There was no fear. I felt empowered, I felt comfortable just..being. The feeling was good :)
Past few days, my thoughts have centred on one main thing..or rather one person. Maybe it's the lack of variety in my daily activities. I have always been one who enjoyed writing in her journal, jotting down random thoughts as they visit while sipping a warm cup of coffee or lately, tea. Lolz..that's right, I find tea to be a lot more comforting and settling than coffee. Coffee brings about that anxiety...I shall only indulge in it in the mornings, when I need the extra anxiety..enthusiasm, gusto to get through the day.
Anyways, back to that main thought. I am glad that I am able to look at things from the outside...that I am able to realise that I am indeed thinking too much about things. Mulling and obsessing over this person is not going to do me any good. This is not the same person from about 2-4 months ago. A new persona has entered and given things a whole new perspective.
This post is getting a little pensive, isn't it? Not exactly wistful..because it's not sad thoughtfulness, it's just thoughtful. Lolz..Neutral, in other words. Like I said, I'm able to put myself outside the "circle"..away from the centre and look at things..in a neutrally wistful way.
Sometimes, I like how things about this person looks like, at other times it frustrates...even makes me very cynical about the whole issue.
I am not even sure if there is indeed an issue. Lol...genuinely screwed up, I am.
I'll be coming home come 4th of July..that's less than a week from today. Moved all my things to the new house today...so this place I am writing from is quite empty.
I picture Amma's, Ayya's and Puven's faces quite often these days. Eager to meet them...I will meet Shoba earlier...will be travelling together on transit from Dubai.
There are so many things to look forward to: my first flight alone, from London Gatwick to Dubai, being in Dubai International Airport and exploring every nook and cranny which would be possible in the span of 10 hours we'll be there before departing to KLIA, friends back in Malaysia, cooking the meals at home for Amma and Ayya and hopefully seeing their happy faces at how much their daughter has learnt in the past year she has been away from home (maybe a tease or two here and there, this is a must)...basically almost 3 months will I be in Malaysia...3 months laid in front of me..waiting to be filled in with memories..
Memories in which I hope this one person would be part of...
We'll see...God-willing.
Just sent two dear friends to the bus station about 3 hours ago. 3 hours - difficult to comprehend how fast time flies when you are all by yourself.
As I walked back from the bus station earlier, I felt a new sense of courage within me. I found this calm centre within me. There was no fear. I felt empowered, I felt comfortable just..being. The feeling was good :)
Past few days, my thoughts have centred on one main thing..or rather one person. Maybe it's the lack of variety in my daily activities. I have always been one who enjoyed writing in her journal, jotting down random thoughts as they visit while sipping a warm cup of coffee or lately, tea. Lolz..that's right, I find tea to be a lot more comforting and settling than coffee. Coffee brings about that anxiety...I shall only indulge in it in the mornings, when I need the extra anxiety..enthusiasm, gusto to get through the day.
Anyways, back to that main thought. I am glad that I am able to look at things from the outside...that I am able to realise that I am indeed thinking too much about things. Mulling and obsessing over this person is not going to do me any good. This is not the same person from about 2-4 months ago. A new persona has entered and given things a whole new perspective.
This post is getting a little pensive, isn't it? Not exactly wistful..because it's not sad thoughtfulness, it's just thoughtful. Lolz..Neutral, in other words. Like I said, I'm able to put myself outside the "circle"..away from the centre and look at things..in a neutrally wistful way.
Sometimes, I like how things about this person looks like, at other times it frustrates...even makes me very cynical about the whole issue.
I am not even sure if there is indeed an issue. Lol...genuinely screwed up, I am.
I'll be coming home come 4th of July..that's less than a week from today. Moved all my things to the new house today...so this place I am writing from is quite empty.
I picture Amma's, Ayya's and Puven's faces quite often these days. Eager to meet them...I will meet Shoba earlier...will be travelling together on transit from Dubai.
There are so many things to look forward to: my first flight alone, from London Gatwick to Dubai, being in Dubai International Airport and exploring every nook and cranny which would be possible in the span of 10 hours we'll be there before departing to KLIA, friends back in Malaysia, cooking the meals at home for Amma and Ayya and hopefully seeing their happy faces at how much their daughter has learnt in the past year she has been away from home (maybe a tease or two here and there, this is a must)...basically almost 3 months will I be in Malaysia...3 months laid in front of me..waiting to be filled in with memories..
Memories in which I hope this one person would be part of...
We'll see...God-willing.
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