My Jungle of a Brain.

I was just listening to and watching the Wild Thornberry's soundtrack. A friend of a friend posted it on facebook...

The video featured this little girl, of about 8 years old sprawled on her bed, in her fairy tale pink, very girly (think mountains of soft toys and doll houses) room, flipping a book with her legs up in the air, swinging to waves from her imagination, a huge grin plastered across her mouth...dreamy eyes...etc etc. In a world of her own...blanketed in bliss.

This thought came to me:

Isn't it a wonderful thing to be a child?

Come to think of it, you can let it go on for as long as you wish..be a child for as long as you want to be one.

Someone once said...we never really grow up, we just learn how to behave in public.

It's not that as an adult (or young adult ehem ehem..) you would have more problems and life would seem like a real struggle to get by day to day.

It it was, then kids would be spitting out the word "grown-up" like it was a swear word used to poke fun at...well, grown-ups. Kids have their own challenges..they just don't complain how unfair it is to them they have to grow up.

Growing up does mean more responsibilities, independence, self-expectations that linger around much longer than a childish whim, etc etc

It's been 4 months since yours truly touched down in England. Away from home for the first time. My 2 years of the foundation course, back in KL doesn't count okeh..I was the lucky (or unlucky) few that could go dash back to the heavenly comforts of home come every Friday.

So yes, away from home. Miles away. The homesickness is there, but is never a permanent resident. lolz..talk about choice of words la ar. It's kinda like a nomad. Moving from place to place. The place is of course, revolving ever-so-faithfully around my brain, my thoughts. It goes round and round. Now you see it, now you don't.

Shoba, my sister told me that you would only feel homesick if you had nothing to do. In my case, I think i shall alter that into: if i had something to do but chose to procrastinate for as long as I could.

Lolz..

Not entirely true. My parents, my neighbours, my neighbour's dog, Malaysia...is always at the back of my mind. Always. Though I miss my mum, being the perfectionist and disciplinarian that she's always been (and of which I am proud of), nagging at me for sleeping in too much or lazing around and my dad..who's advice and reminders have become so much a part of me that I just feel very lost without them...(ok, it's the end of the sentence dy, i shall continue in the next paragraph)

Yes, despite missing all that, I realise that I have to grow up someday, right? I hate it that it's happening now, so soon.

Nevertheless, any point of time would seem "so soon" in the light of being the youngest in the family and how much of a kid I'll always be.

When I was a kid, my mind was pretty silent. I was an introvert and an extrovert. It's like, I'll be sitting in a corner of a kindergarten classroom and when it comes to volunteering for something, my hand shoots up from nowhere. Literally nowhere because i don't think anyone even saw me sitting there. I think even I was shocked...O.o

Anyways, i just did things. I went ahead and jumped head-first. I remember the downside of all the head-first plunges I took. Bouts of embarrassment, anger from the teacher, laughter..etc etc, but at the same time, awe and respect and I suppose a little envy even.

Somehow, along the way, I paid more attention to the downside than the upside. And I became a false extrovert. Seemingly very sociable on the outside but inside, butterflies were conquering. I wasn't alone with my silent mind anymore. My thoughts and actions were not in-sync anymore.

Instead, yeah..i thought wayyyy to much. I still do that. I start making up this super convoluted chart of action-reaction in my head whenever I am "inspired" to do something new and end up too scared and not doing it at all.

This probably tops the list of things that I miss from my childhood. The guts. The blind courage you could say....I still relish it no matter how blind and stupid it is because at least, I was being myself. DUH.

Anyhow, my school of thoughts have since evolved into something more complicated, yes. But not without some well-needed elements.

There has to be a balance in everything right? I personally believe that whoever you are, your ultimate goal in life is to strike the perfect balance. Taking the middle path doesn't mean you don't have a backbone like some would opine.

It's not something that you strive tirelessly for..it's something you just give your best shot at.

If you can give your best shot, then you are, at no point, under any circumstance, allowed to put any blame on yourself if things don't turn out well.

I also realise that I have a habit of making LONG, very complicated sentences. O.o

Lolz, can't help it yo. That's probably a minute glimpse of how sibuk my brain is. Not jaga tepi kain org lain all k, I go paranoid over my own kain.

Lolz..