A thing or two about friendships...
Everyday is not the same. The sea does not remain calm always. Life changes, circumstances change, friends change. Change is a way of life - Anonymous (also means there could be someone who actually came up with this, but just so happens that I have no clue who O.o)
I guess change is inevitable. Of all things, I have come to learn that friends coming and going is probably the most painful change to endure..simply because most often than not, you don't see it coming.
When I was younger, say about 6 or 7, I was too unsuspecting, too naive to know what the term friends stood for. Along the way, people's stories, and my parents telling me that "He/She is your friend.." (based on the stories a 6-year-old will not cease to narrate to her parents on a daily basis) formed a picture in my mind of what it meant to be in a friendship.
As I grew older, the framework became more and more defined as the experiences piled on. All this happened on a sub-conscious level, of course. It is only now that I have to come to look at things in a clear-cut, out-of-the-circle manner.
I am unsure if the above is a blessing or a misfortune. As poet Thomas Gray once said, Ignorance is bliss..'tis a folly to be wise..
I can only smile wistfully. It's better not to fret..and just let things be.
Anyhow, back to the matter at hand. I have made and lost a considerable amount of wonderful and lesser than wonderful friends over the span of not even a quarter (assuming I live to a hundred years) of my lifetime. The first time it happened, I remember going numb. But not for long. No, I did not smile or cry (picture a typical character in one of the Tamil serials- my reaction was a total understatement comparatively).
The reasons were and still are simple. Everything in life happens for a reason. Things change for a reason. Friends who become mere acquaintances or maybe even strangers come into one's life for a reason, and leave for a reason as well. We question, is it for the right reasons?
Well, the situation really is quite volatile. It can be for a very good and beneficial reason presently, but it can change to be a cause for regret in the future. Good or bad, depends on one's rationale..perhaps on whether one is a pessimist or an optimist...or whatever label you wish to stick on them.
Despite knowing this, I still find it difficult sometimes, to accept that people really do come into your lives, enrich it with laughter and sweet memories, teach you a thing or two about the world and its games, etc, etc. And then leave. (Not abandon eh..lolz works both ways - either mutually or the opposite).
I have a few thoughts that have arose from the above. It occurred to me that it would do some good to share with anyone who reads this because I believe that these circumstances affect everyone in a way or another, at some point in their lives.
I have turned somewhat cynical in some ways as a result of ending friendships for good. People who were once like blood sisters/brothers to me are now, as aforementioned, acquaintances or complete strangers. There are some whom I will always be glad to have gotten rid off (not murdered la...but u get the picture la ar..) and there are some cases in which I wonder about...but don't necessarily regret.
This is where understanding comes in. Understanding the circumstances at the time when it all (quarrels, squabbles and the very instant two people became friends) happened. If you can accept every single aspect of that without making any excuses for, either for your so-called misjudgments or the other party, things will seem ten times, if not more, simpler and uncomplicated.
Simply put, don't be too hard on yourself. It's one thing blaming others for any "misfortune" that led to the break-up (yes, it can be used for friendships as well...O.o) - blaming yourself is no less unfair.
I hope I'm making sense. Hmm..I guess the bottom line is not to accuse anyone. Accept, reason, bask (in self-pity or pride) and then move on. But always remember.
Which is probably why I believe in "forgive, but never forget".
(If you choose to truly forget, then you might as well choose to suffer from amnesia. - Experiences, good or bad ought to be remembered and the lessons learnt are precious reminders of what shall be and not -according to individual preferences, of course).
Hmm. Talk about digression. O.o
Anyhow, about being cynical. My dad tells me - "there is no one in this world whom you can trust as wholly as your parents. Friendships are always with benefits...that befit the said individuals" - Could be true, could be a little off the mark. It depends. I understood where my father was coming at when he said it. That being said, the phrase, "friends with benefits" exist probably because there is also an opposite situation apparent. But yes, to deal with an end, my dad's point of view is probably the best way to appease the worries that follow a break-up.
Hmm. And so, that's how I turned cynical about things. You could also call it being selfish - Anything that applies to your rationale.
In a way, it's a form of a defense mechanism. A point to remember, like everything else in life, moderation is key. And so, if you choose to be cynical like me, be forewarned that if you go overboard, you are just going to end up being bitter about people in general. That would be then termed something else...insanity, eventually I suppose.
Hmm.
I'll see y'all soon with something less uncomplicated.
I guess change is inevitable. Of all things, I have come to learn that friends coming and going is probably the most painful change to endure..simply because most often than not, you don't see it coming.
When I was younger, say about 6 or 7, I was too unsuspecting, too naive to know what the term friends stood for. Along the way, people's stories, and my parents telling me that "He/She is your friend.." (based on the stories a 6-year-old will not cease to narrate to her parents on a daily basis) formed a picture in my mind of what it meant to be in a friendship.
As I grew older, the framework became more and more defined as the experiences piled on. All this happened on a sub-conscious level, of course. It is only now that I have to come to look at things in a clear-cut, out-of-the-circle manner.
I am unsure if the above is a blessing or a misfortune. As poet Thomas Gray once said, Ignorance is bliss..'tis a folly to be wise..
I can only smile wistfully. It's better not to fret..and just let things be.
Anyhow, back to the matter at hand. I have made and lost a considerable amount of wonderful and lesser than wonderful friends over the span of not even a quarter (assuming I live to a hundred years) of my lifetime. The first time it happened, I remember going numb. But not for long. No, I did not smile or cry (picture a typical character in one of the Tamil serials- my reaction was a total understatement comparatively).
The reasons were and still are simple. Everything in life happens for a reason. Things change for a reason. Friends who become mere acquaintances or maybe even strangers come into one's life for a reason, and leave for a reason as well. We question, is it for the right reasons?
Well, the situation really is quite volatile. It can be for a very good and beneficial reason presently, but it can change to be a cause for regret in the future. Good or bad, depends on one's rationale..perhaps on whether one is a pessimist or an optimist...or whatever label you wish to stick on them.
Despite knowing this, I still find it difficult sometimes, to accept that people really do come into your lives, enrich it with laughter and sweet memories, teach you a thing or two about the world and its games, etc, etc. And then leave. (Not abandon eh..lolz works both ways - either mutually or the opposite).
I have a few thoughts that have arose from the above. It occurred to me that it would do some good to share with anyone who reads this because I believe that these circumstances affect everyone in a way or another, at some point in their lives.
I have turned somewhat cynical in some ways as a result of ending friendships for good. People who were once like blood sisters/brothers to me are now, as aforementioned, acquaintances or complete strangers. There are some whom I will always be glad to have gotten rid off (not murdered la...but u get the picture la ar..) and there are some cases in which I wonder about...but don't necessarily regret.
This is where understanding comes in. Understanding the circumstances at the time when it all (quarrels, squabbles and the very instant two people became friends) happened. If you can accept every single aspect of that without making any excuses for, either for your so-called misjudgments or the other party, things will seem ten times, if not more, simpler and uncomplicated.
Simply put, don't be too hard on yourself. It's one thing blaming others for any "misfortune" that led to the break-up (yes, it can be used for friendships as well...O.o) - blaming yourself is no less unfair.
I hope I'm making sense. Hmm..I guess the bottom line is not to accuse anyone. Accept, reason, bask (in self-pity or pride) and then move on. But always remember.
Which is probably why I believe in "forgive, but never forget".
(If you choose to truly forget, then you might as well choose to suffer from amnesia. - Experiences, good or bad ought to be remembered and the lessons learnt are precious reminders of what shall be and not -according to individual preferences, of course).
Hmm. Talk about digression. O.o
Anyhow, about being cynical. My dad tells me - "there is no one in this world whom you can trust as wholly as your parents. Friendships are always with benefits...that befit the said individuals" - Could be true, could be a little off the mark. It depends. I understood where my father was coming at when he said it. That being said, the phrase, "friends with benefits" exist probably because there is also an opposite situation apparent. But yes, to deal with an end, my dad's point of view is probably the best way to appease the worries that follow a break-up.
Hmm. And so, that's how I turned cynical about things. You could also call it being selfish - Anything that applies to your rationale.
In a way, it's a form of a defense mechanism. A point to remember, like everything else in life, moderation is key. And so, if you choose to be cynical like me, be forewarned that if you go overboard, you are just going to end up being bitter about people in general. That would be then termed something else...insanity, eventually I suppose.
Hmm.
I'll see y'all soon with something less uncomplicated.
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