Banu da Great

2012 is here..O.o

2012-01-07T09:56:00.001+08:00

It's the 7th day of 2012.

And like all other things, it's only NOW that it is sinking in properly into yours truly's head that we are indeed no longer in 2011.

O.o

Lolz.

Seriously, though..(I am THAT slow la..)

Class starts on Monday...yep..

Le sigh.

And an assignment to hand in on Tuesday.

YippeeYayHoo.

=.=

Anyhooooow

On a brighter note..

Plans for spring holidays are almost done.

Greece :D

Muahahahah!! *happy dance*

Maybe I'll get through second term with spring break in mind...

O.o

Lazy Day #2

2011-12-15T21:01:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all...

Something random.

I received this comment not too long ago that my blog entries were rather disorganised.

Well..organisation is a skill. If it's for a piece of work which I am going to be assessed for..well then, I will put those skills to use..

This blog, however is an exception.

Here's why.

Besides the fact that I am not being formally assessed...

THEY ARE MY THOUGHTS.

Thoughts..don't come in an organised manner.

And I am above all, FEMALE..which means I HAVE to connect this to that and that to this. Unlike the male brain which is efficiently (good or bad, depends) compartmentalised, my brain is just...constantly connecting this compartment to that..which gives rise to a whole lotta convoluted thoughts.

O.o...

I think I expected that to make sense...that was all Russell Peters' idea k..not mine. Lolz It justifies the one reason why men and women both find each other so complicated and confusing.

O.o

Anyways, gender aspects aside, I have always maintained that this blog is for my thoughts...sometimes, I deliberately avoid organising the posts..just to show how the thoughts come. I pen them down as they are. I hope this clears it.

Today's lazy day #2 btw..

Gah.

Yada Yada Yadaaa....

2011-12-15T04:19:00.000+08:00

YES...I SHOULD BE DOING MY ASSIGNMENTS....

But...

One look at this temporarily-abandoned blog has tweaked such nostalgic feelings deep within me that I really feel like I should scribble something...*jiwang*back of hand on forehead..dramatic neck-tilt*

Ahem.

That's right y'all...maybe just a doodle.

The reason I've not blogged for a couple of months now is that I guess I have had a lot going on..

Haven't had as much time to mull and over-think things as I used to....

Summer really is long gone T__T

That's not to say that I havent' mulled. Mulling is this built-in trait in yours truly. O.o

Anyhow folks..

-i wrote the above on the 3rd of December..in the midst of a huge assignment which I have thankfully completed and handed in ..phew-

I'm not going to write about anything exact this time around. Just updates on what I've been doing...random stuff...writing for the sake of writing, I suppose O.o..

So..winter break has started.

Ahem.

It's that time of the year again, where the streets are decorated, fir trees line the shops, snow falls, snowmen are built, you get bombarded by random snowballs thrown by random strangers and you awkwardly kena tembak and awkwardly walk away like nothing happened...O.o..yep...It's Christmas in a few days..only difference is that this time, there's no snow...yet.

Temperature hasn't fallen low enough I think.

I can't say I'm exactly anticipating the snow to fall, you know.

I won't be able to do my grocery shopping.

O.o...

Well, that and also other stuff. Lolz..I have no idea when grocery shopping started to be the highlight of my days. Thing is, I will have to walk quite a distance to get to Asda (something like Tesco, Giant, etc). Which is where I get all the glorious food. You tend to get hungry real fast..since it's really cold (think -4 and below) and naturally you're gonna need the calories to burn...for heat..O.o

I am actually shaking a little..shivering...as I write. And I'm indoors, with the heater turned on. Just thinking about the chill outside makes me shiver more. O.o

Anyhow, winter break started last Saturday. And so far, I am happy to say that it's been better this time around than last year :D

I am keeping myself occupied. Let's see....X-Factor UK Finals on Sunday (I actually got to go!! hehe..pics and more info on moi FB..ngeheheh), Monday was lazy day #1, shopping on Tuesday, and a walk around town today...dang, it's only been a few days huh..=.='

Anyhow, last Sunday was a great day. We weren't sure if we were going to get into the Arena to watch the show...so we took quite an early train to London and just frolicked about Hyde Park..a glimpse of Royal Albert Hall..and the one thing that caught my eye at Hyde Park was the Serpentine Lake.

Even with the winter chill, everything was perfect. The swans, ducks, pigeons..even horses (at the park, not on the lake, of course..O.o)...the trees..most of them had leaves left on them. There was something so very rustic about this place that I just wanted to go quiet and enjoy what was in front of me in silence.

I remember thinking, "Damn. I wish I lived in London and could come here every single day,"...

I made a mental note to make sure I came here every chance I got over the next year and a half...Time sure flies. Pictures should be up on Facebook soon..

Anyways, I know I'm going to feel like I'm about to die in a few days time should I not have anything to do. I actually have an assignment due in January, as soon as term 2 starts. But o well...hehe..kite enjoy dulu la ye~

The reason I'm not going anywhere around Europe this winter is because...I'm saving up for Greece in spring =P

Tickets have been bought...so there's no running away from it now. Hmm.

So...I guess that's about it really.

There is something that's really building up in significance in my life right now but...that shall wait. I'm gonna give things more time...See how it all rounds up and until I can see a proper conclusion to it, maybe I won't reveal anything right now..

Not just yet~

Hmm..I'll see y'all soon ;)

What's your favorite breakfast?

2011-10-22T01:16:00.001+08:00

Nasi lemak..and coffee! Here, it's just oats =.=

Just go ahead and ask. All questions will be entertained..manners isn't guaranteed though :D sarcasm overload, of course

what you do to forget someone?

2011-10-22T01:15:00.001+08:00

I don't..but maybe not acknowledging their very existence might help to reduce frustration and unnecessary hatred from developing. Also, keeping myself occupied helps :) Easiest way is probably to take it easy, really ;)

Just go ahead and ask. All questions will be entertained..manners isn't guaranteed though :D sarcasm overload, of course

no latest posting?

2011-10-21T00:14:00.001+08:00

something might come up next week :)

Just go ahead and ask. All questions will be entertained..manners isn't guaranteed though :D sarcasm overload, of course

A thing or two about friendships...

2011-08-19T11:31:00.003+08:00

Everyday is not the same. The sea does not remain calm always. Life changes, circumstances change, friends change. Change is a way of life - Anonymous (also means there could be someone who actually came up with this, but just so happens that I have no clue who O.o)

I guess change is inevitable. Of all things, I have come to learn that friends coming and going is probably the most painful change to endure..simply because most often than not, you don't see it coming.

When I was younger, say about 6 or 7, I was too unsuspecting, too naive to know what the term friends stood for. Along the way, people's stories, and my parents telling me that "He/She is your friend.." (based on the stories a 6-year-old will not cease to narrate to her parents on a daily basis) formed a picture in my mind of what it meant to be in a friendship.

As I grew older, the framework became more and more defined as the experiences piled on. All this happened on a sub-conscious level, of course. It is only now that I have to come to look at things in a clear-cut, out-of-the-circle manner.

I am unsure if the above is a blessing or a misfortune. As poet Thomas Gray once said, Ignorance is bliss..'tis a folly to be wise..

I can only smile wistfully. It's better not to fret..and just let things be.

Anyhow, back to the matter at hand. I have made and lost a considerable amount of wonderful and lesser than wonderful friends over the span of not even a quarter (assuming I live to a hundred years) of my lifetime. The first time it happened, I remember going numb. But not for long. No, I did not smile or cry (picture a typical character in one of the Tamil serials- my reaction was a total understatement comparatively).

The reasons were and still are simple. Everything in life happens for a reason. Things change for a reason. Friends who become mere acquaintances or maybe even strangers come into one's life for a reason, and leave for a reason as well. We question, is it for the right reasons?

Well, the situation really is quite volatile. It can be for a very good and beneficial reason presently, but it can change to be a cause for regret in the future. Good or bad, depends on one's rationale..perhaps on whether one is a pessimist or an optimist...or whatever label you wish to stick on them.

Despite knowing this, I still find it difficult sometimes, to accept that people really do come into your lives, enrich it with laughter and sweet memories, teach you a thing or two about the world and its games, etc, etc. And then leave. (Not abandon eh..lolz works both ways - either mutually or the opposite).

I have a few thoughts that have arose from the above. It occurred to me that it would do some good to share with anyone who reads this because I believe that these circumstances affect everyone in a way or another, at some point in their lives.

I have turned somewhat cynical in some ways as a result of ending friendships for good. People who were once like blood sisters/brothers to me are now, as aforementioned, acquaintances or complete strangers. There are some whom I will always be glad to have gotten rid off (not murdered la...but u get the picture la ar..) and there are some cases in which I wonder about...but don't necessarily regret.

This is where understanding comes in. Understanding the circumstances at the time when it all (quarrels, squabbles and the very instant two people became friends) happened. If you can accept every single aspect of that without making any excuses for, either for your so-called misjudgments or the other party, things will seem ten times, if not more, simpler and uncomplicated.

Simply put, don't be too hard on yourself. It's one thing blaming others for any "misfortune" that led to the break-up (yes, it can be used for friendships as well...O.o) - blaming yourself is no less unfair.

I hope I'm making sense. Hmm..I guess the bottom line is not to accuse anyone. Accept, reason, bask (in self-pity or pride) and then move on. But always remember.

Which is probably why I believe in "forgive, but never forget".

(If you choose to truly forget, then you might as well choose to suffer from amnesia. - Experiences, good or bad ought to be remembered and the lessons learnt are precious reminders of what shall be and not -according to individual preferences, of course).

Hmm. Talk about digression. O.o

Anyhow, about being cynical. My dad tells me - "there is no one in this world whom you can trust as wholly as your parents. Friendships are always with benefits...that befit the said individuals" - Could be true, could be a little off the mark. It depends. I understood where my father was coming at when he said it. That being said, the phrase, "friends with benefits" exist probably because there is also an opposite situation apparent. But yes, to deal with an end, my dad's point of view is probably the best way to appease the worries that follow a break-up.

Hmm. And so, that's how I turned cynical about things. You could also call it being selfish - Anything that applies to your rationale.

In a way, it's a form of a defense mechanism. A point to remember, like everything else in life, moderation is key. And so, if you choose to be cynical like me, be forewarned that if you go overboard, you are just going to end up being bitter about people in general. That would be then termed something else...insanity, eventually I suppose.

Hmm.

I'll see y'all soon with something less uncomplicated.

To condemn or to listen and help?

2011-08-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

Been doing a lot of blog walking these past few days. For those of you who are not familiar with the term, it basically means ~~stalking~~reading blogs like how you would ~~stalk~~visit profiles on say, Facebook.

Topics were mostly on the good and the bad of the youths in the Indian community. Nothing wrong to comment...in fact I'm not even going to give my viewpoint on any of the many topics that the dedicated bloggers discussed.

I just think that...we are so quick to label, so quick to judge...to say who's right and wrong. And..no, I'm not going to tell them to take a look at themselves first...the former statement is just what I realised after reading.

I will be 21 years old come October..and this transition between teenage and adulthood has been quite a revelation for me on so many levels. I have learnt that independence and responsibility for your actions is something that works side by side and are things that you cannot run away from, friends are more of acquaintances and companions with benefits that befit them rather than "like family" and I am also learning to accept myself for the type of person that society has made me to be. That being said, however, there is always new space for improvement being created every now and then. Being an adult of course has not happened overnight..it's not called "being" for nothing...it's a process..

Anyhow, coming back to the topic at hand...being quick to label and judge. Starting from September 2010, I enrolled in a university overseas and lived away from home for 10 months till last July up to the present day, being home for the summer holidays. Being away from home taught me independence above all other new beginnings. It also brought with it difficulties which I I think were blessings in disguise - maybe a better way to term them are challenges.

Before leaving for the UK, I had 3 months of free time, for preparatory purposes (BTN camp trip being one of them). During that time, I had lots of time to think of my future. What bothered me the most was that the time spent overseas would be responsible for changing me into this unrecognisable person in the future. What if this change was to be temporary and what if I "woke up" in the far future to find that this person was not what I wanted to be at all, someone that I would despise wholeheartedly? What if all the people who knew me would say, "She has changed.." blabla..aka labeling, name-calling and so on.

What changes exactly...UK is on the west side of the globe. Which means, a different culture with a different set of values. Malaysia is not alienated from these "Western" values as I have come to realise from all these blogs that I read. Social activities such as frequenting clubs (also called pubs) are of the norm in the UK. From what I have read in the blogs, I observed that "clubbing" is most often an act of rebellion by Indian teenage girls and boys. This is what I saw being implied by the writer. There were also some who claimed to "club decently". True, I don't find it difficult to agree that there indeed exists a practice as such. The issue is that the writer seems to be irked by the fact that the people who clubbed indecently (dressing skimpily, being intoxicated by alcohol so much so that they forget themselves, losing control..etc etc) were Indians and that this was bad. Morally unacceptable, I suppose?

Even though this would not be the case at all in a Western society, I was still apprehensive. My father has never been a champion of the fact that his daughter would be allowed to drink or smoke for the matter. He understands what addiction means and naturally, his take on the matter. I used to wonder what it would be like...but sooner or later, my father's warnings set into my mind.

This particular blog that I read had good intentions written all over it. The blogger might not have the most polished of ways to bring his message across, but as aforementioned, the thought is what counts most.

Indian girls were more or less chastised for being ~~attention seekers~~ the way they are. This includes the way they dress, the way they bring themselves about in public (in the presence of other Indians or boys, to be specific), their clubbing activities, their Facebook excessive and random friend-adding practices, sleeping with anyone they wish to..blabla..the list goes on. In other words, in their bid to be "happening".

Sigh.

Everyone goes through this stage in their teenage. The question is whether they bow to the pressure or not. To me, it all depends on their upbringing and family values. It comes down to that most of the time. And if fortunate, these girls will learn the hard way. If the rebellious attitude does not exist innately within their true selves, they will wake up sooner or later to know what they really want out of life. If not, well...it's not unfortunate, mind you. It's just the way they really are. No one needs to explain why they are a certain way. It is really worthwhile to explain their very being? Who are we to judge? Does it really make any sense at all? The story of the man with the donkey comes to mind.

The blogger that I am referring to is intelligent and sensitive in the sense that he does not really judge these young girls and boys, but rather gives some sort of tough love, I suppose?

The people who seemed to be very quick in judging the "perpetrators" were the commentators of the various posts. Perhaps we should really take some time to put ourselves into the actually naive youngsters' shoes and see the world from their point of view. And ask ourselves, what seems to be the real problem? The root of all this rebellion...

Condemning them just seems to be too harsh.

What would you want to change?

2011-08-04T21:52:00.004+08:00

"The only 3 things a man should wanna change about his woman is her last name, her address and her viewpoint on men"- Thoughts from one of the many people I follow on Twitter.

Just saw this on twitter..hmm, got me thinking.

"His woman" - His wife. His partner for life (we hope). OK. I don't have a "problem" with that :P

"Last name" - Maybe I have a problem with this. I am aware that it's common practice for the wife to take her husband's name upon marriage. Maybe I am ignorant of the real reason as to why this is the case...but why can't the husband do so, instead? O.o No changes to either one's name is also an option, I suppose? Hmm..

"Address" - True. But I hope the man's address would change as well. In Tamil, we call it "thanee kudethenem"..meaning, living independently, in a separate, private residence - not the bridegroom's (or if allowed to "dream", the bride's) parents' residence. In the general Indian culture, the bride is to live with the bridegroom's parents...Why? Again, I have very little knowledge. I have questioned this before, since I became aware of the practice but most often than not, I don't give it much thought- just assuming that "that's just how it is".

The last one really caught my attention...

"Her viewpoint on men": Well, this gives me the impression that the hypothetical woman used to have a very bitter outlook on men generally. And this man who has come to "transform" her life is a "knight in shining armour"...O.o. I rather he didn't attempt to change it at all. If she thought, for instance "all men are jerks" prior to this miraculous meeting that changed her viewpoint forever....her new viewpoint would be, "all men are gems"- is that it? An eye for an eye. There's no real change there..it's just one opinion replacing another, with the same weightage and perspective of thought. Generalisation is never a wise gauge to go with..

I wish to be enlightened about how the last name and address change works...

Why being idle is bad for me...

2011-07-27T20:47:00.002+08:00

I have a certain pattern about me that I have come to realise only recently. I am not sure if this would be wise to reveal. But yes, I have got plenty of time on my hands as of now (summer holidays) and I have been reflecting at unhealthy amounts. Lolz..well, reflection is supposed to be a good thing..(but "healthy" amounts just doesn't cut it..O.o)

Relationships.

I only get into one when I have a lot of idle time. The moment the idleness is over, so is the relationship. Even if it lasts a little into post-idleness, it doesn't really have a very good shelf life after that.

Which actually means I hurt the other person in the process..

Such is the pattern that I have come to realise exists within me.

It didn't please me at all, this realisation.

Another thing I am afraid of is karma...

All this hurt, it's going to come back to haunt me right? Well, the guilt is already a constant companion.

Sigh...

Reverse Culture Shock

2011-07-20T00:39:00.002+08:00

20th of July..which means it's been 14 days since I came back home. 2 weeks.

The journey back was an ordeal. If I have not mentioned it already, it took my sister and me 3 days and 2 nights..actually, 3 nights all in all. O.o Reached home exactly at midnight on the 6th of July.

Anyways, somewhere throughout the journey, Shoba had warned me of something called reverse culture shock.

O.o

I'm sure most of you have heard about culture shock..but reverse culture shock? Well, it's the reverse of culture shock la..OK, i noe i'm not supposed to be defining something with the word itself..anyhow, simply put..through an example: I experienced culture shock in my own country, which I left just 10 months ago.

Bits and pieces of it are still left after 2 weeks. Symptoms include, on the most part, irritability.

Jet lag and the weather is one..but it's not really part of this thing called reverse culture shock.

It's just the different smaller details like not being able to walk anywhere safely i.e. the unavailability of pedestrian paths or pedestrian traffic lights. Also, there is noticeably fewer traffic flow. Maybe it's because Canterbury is small town..Hmm, still it was something else.

Life in UK is independent. Very much, indeed. Each person gets one room..no sharing. And I have lots of quiet time for myself.

At home, the initial humdrum of family members being out and about around the house is normal and even pleasing. I honestly welcomed it. And then, it all got a little...what's the word? - irritating. As I wrote that word, I felt really guilty. So no, maybe that's not the right word. It just feels like people are prying into your personal space, you know?

Oh well..I shall read more about this reverse culture shock...maybe I will deal with it better after being more informed about what it really is..

BLAH BLAH BLAH....

2011-07-17T22:21:00.003+08:00

Random thoughts:

-Blogwalking, when not done by yours truly herself, is some scary shit. Equivalent to stalking, almost. But I like to term is as, making sure one is up-to-date with everything. Everything? Yes, everything. O.o

-I have this Hari Keluarga thing to attend on the 23rd of July..grrr...

-Being idle is very bad for yours truly. This is when and why all sorts of nonsensical ideas start taking shape. There have been 2 instances of such nonsense ideas. And it can happen again...i.e. right now..during this holiday. Well, acknowledging that it is indeed because of being idle, is a good reason to believe that I can do something to stop it from taking shape.

That's pretty much all for now..went out with a few new friends yesterday. We watched Mr Popper Penguin (reminds me of poop..lolz..a matter of spelling), had dinner at Pizza Hut before that and a bit of a mamak session after the movie. It was all good..

See y'all with more updates soon. :)

Closure~

2011-06-30T00:12:00.003+08:00

I always listen to my intuition. It almost never goes off-mark..

And so, whatever I said yesterday...I think I'll have to reconsider (the previous post).

I just need some closure..and a little bit of distraction.

Then, all this can come to an end.

I really believe that.

Thoughts in an empty house...

2011-06-29T06:32:00.003+08:00

With the house as quiet as this, thoughts flow more..

Just sent two dear friends to the bus station about 3 hours ago. 3 hours - difficult to comprehend how fast time flies when you are all by yourself.

As I walked back from the bus station earlier, I felt a new sense of courage within me. I found this calm centre within me. There was no fear. I felt empowered, I felt comfortable just..being. The feeling was good :)

Past few days, my thoughts have centred on one main thing..or rather one person. Maybe it's the lack of variety in my daily activities. I have always been one who enjoyed writing in her journal, jotting down random thoughts as they visit while sipping a warm cup of coffee or lately, tea. Lolz..that's right, I find tea to be a lot more comforting and settling than coffee. Coffee brings about that anxiety...I shall only indulge in it in the mornings, when I need the extra anxiety..enthusiasm, gusto to get through the day.

Anyways, back to that main thought. I am glad that I am able to look at things from the outside...that I am able to realise that I am indeed thinking too much about things. Mulling and obsessing over this person is not going to do me any good. This is not the same person from about 2-4 months ago. A new persona has entered and given things a whole new perspective.

This post is getting a little pensive, isn't it? Not exactly wistful..because it's not sad thoughtfulness, it's just thoughtful. Lolz..Neutral, in other words. Like I said, I'm able to put myself outside the "circle"..away from the centre and look at things..in a neutrally wistful way.

Sometimes, I like how things about this person looks like, at other times it frustrates...even makes me very cynical about the whole issue.

I am not even sure if there is indeed an issue. Lol...genuinely screwed up, I am.

I'll be coming home come 4th of July..that's less than a week from today. Moved all my things to the new house today...so this place I am writing from is quite empty.

I picture Amma's, Ayya's and Puven's faces quite often these days. Eager to meet them...I will meet Shoba earlier...will be travelling together on transit from Dubai.

There are so many things to look forward to: my first flight alone, from London Gatwick to Dubai, being in Dubai International Airport and exploring every nook and cranny which would be possible in the span of 10 hours we'll be there before departing to KLIA, friends back in Malaysia, cooking the meals at home for Amma and Ayya and hopefully seeing their happy faces at how much their daughter has learnt in the past year she has been away from home (maybe a tease or two here and there, this is a must)...basically almost 3 months will I be in Malaysia...3 months laid in front of me..waiting to be filled in with memories..

Memories in which I hope this one person would be part of...

We'll see...God-willing.

Jashn-E-Bahaara

2011-06-18T04:54:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all :)

This time around, I'm gonna post something that I don't always post..song lyrics <3 I know it's a little lame and pointless..but I just want to share what's on my mind <3

I have always loved this song..maybe because it's by A.R.Rahman..he always chooses the right singer: in this song, it's Javed Ali...such a sweet, soulful voice. And there is a certain innocence to it...

Also, it is from the movie, Jodhaa Akbar. I never get tired no matter how times I replay all my favourite scenes. For this song, the director, Ashutosh Gowariker decided to play the song alternately with some scenes with dialogues..and with the Mughal Emperor (only Hrithik Roshan, my beloved!! ..lol..wat a hottie!) observing the princess Jodhaa Bai (my FAVOURITE actress and idol, Aishwarya Rai!)...

I shall post the lyrics with the best English translation that I could find :)

kehne ko jashn-e-bahaara hai, ishq yeh dekhke hairan hai - (2)

there is blossom in the environment just to say, but love is wondering after seeing this

phul se khusbu khafa khafa hai gulshan mein

that the fragrance is displeased with flowers in the garden

chupa hai koyi ranj fija ki chilman mein

there is some grief hidden in the environment

saare sehme najaare hain, soye soye waqt ke dhaare hain

all the sights are in fear, and the time is like slept

aur dil mein koyi khoyi si baten hain

and there are some lost things in the heart

kehne ko jashn-e-bahaara hai, ishq yeh dekhke hairan hai

there is blossom in the environment just to say, but love is wondering after seeing this

phul se khusbu khafa khafa hai gulshan mein

that the fragrance is displeased with flowers in the garden

chupa hai koyi ranj fija ki chilman mein

there is some grief hidden in the environmant

kaise kahen kya hai sitam, sochate hai abb yeh hum

how to say what kind of injustice is there, i am thinking about this now

koyi kaise kahen woh hai ya nahee humaare

can anybody tell me whether he/she is mine or not

karte toh hai saath safar, faasale hain phir bhi magar

we are travelling together, but still there is distance between us

jaise milte nahee kisi dariya ke do kinaare

like the two sides of river never meets

paas hain phir bhi paas nahee, humko yeh gum raas nahee

we are together but not actually together, this grief is not acceptable by me

seeshe ki ik diwaar hai jaise darmiyaan

there is a wall of glass between us

saare sehme najaare hain, soye soye waqt ke dhaare hain

all the sights are in fear, and the time is like slept

aur dil mein koyi khoyi si baten hain

and there are some lost things in the heart

kehne ko jashn-e-bahaara hai, ishq yeh dekhke hairan hai

there is blossom in the environment just to say, but love is wondering after seeing this

phul se khusbu khafa khafa hai gulshan mein

that the fragrance is displeased with flowers in the garden

chupa hai koyi ranj fija ki chilman mein

there is some grief hidden in the environmant

hamane ne jo tha nagma suna, dil ne tha usako chuna

the song which i had heard, is selected by my heart

yeh daastaan hame waqt ne kaisi sunayi

but what story the time is telling to me

hum jo agar hai gumgin, woh bhi udhar khush toh nahee

if i am in grief here, he/she is not also happy there

mulaakaato mein jaise ghul si gayi tanhayi

like there is loneliness mixed inside the talks

milake bhi hum milate nahee, khilake bhi gul khilate nahee

we are met but not actually met, the roses are blooming but not actually

aankhon mein hai bahaaren, dil mein khija

my eyes are seeing the beautiful vista, but the heart is broken down

saare sehme najaare hain, soye soye waqt ke dhaare hain

all the sights are in fear, and the time is like slept

aur dil mein koyi khoyi si baten hain

and there are some lost things in the heart

kehne ko jashn-e-bahaara hai, ishq yeh dekhke hairan hai

there is blossom in the environment just to say, but love is wondering after seeing this

phul se khusbu khafa khafa hai gulshan mein

that the fragrance is displeased with flowers in the garden

chupa hai koyi ranj fija ki chilman mein

there is some grief hidden in the environment

(picture Emperor Akbar observing his love, Jodhaa Bai while listening to this song..the lyrics will make sense :D )

....................

I usually listen to songs just for the melody and to just indulge myself in the moods it creates within me...the meanings don't usually have to make sense.

It's just like what the writer Vairamuthu penned into one of the most beautiful songs ever, Netru Ilaadha Matram (from the movie Pudhiya Mugam),

"kavithai variyin suvai
artham puriyum varai"

-the effect of a poem is best felt when it is still not understood-...or for a more direct and detailed translation that doesn't veer off too much from the tamil lyrics: the lines of a poem taste best until the meaning is understood...

Hehe...I believe i gave a decent translation to that..but anyhow, that's how I have come to enjoy hindi songs so much. Hindi is not my mother tongue..but I have learnt to enjoy songs in the language for different reasons~

Jashn-E-Bahaara just became sweeter and more steadfastly a favourite after I knew what the lines meant...~

Twitter quotes~

2011-06-14T19:24:00.002+08:00

It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. -Arthur Calwell

Hello everyone :D

Was browsing Twitter when I came across this proverb. It's from the "Sport's Greats" quotes Twitter account.

SO very true. Here's why...

Let's try the analytical method that I usually apply to my essays; analysing the statement word by word...

To be defeated on principle..it probably means that doing something based on an existing set of values. Also, the subject sticks to this set of values no matter what the odds are. And especially if the odds are against him or her.

The other side of the coin is of course to use sneaky methods aka lies to achieve the purpose.

Well, since it's been said by a sports personality, it probably means doping.

That said, it probably means it's better to lose by your own efforts than to use drug enhancement to influence your performance...

Sports has always looked like an entity that teaches sportspeople and all sports enthusiasts good values in life. Sportsmanship goes all the way into our lives..and this particular statement above probably covers some of it :)

When one uses less-than-nobler methods to succeed at something, the joy of the success is short-lived. Because the success has been compromised. What worth is there then of the feat?

Except of course, if the person's mind is thus influenced with such sneaky and mischievous thoughts that the success is thought to be worth all the plotting~

This is why I love Twitter. You just gotta know who to follow...and the rest is history.

Maybe I should really take up philosophy...hmm..

See y'all soon! :D

To someone who used to mean something to me..i hate you.

2011-06-12T23:44:00.002+08:00

I put a barrier between you and me for a reason..and yet you still keep hounding me.

You have taken everything that means something to me.

You tried to turn every precious soul in my life against me. You did not succeed. That temporary "success" was just that..temporary.

And yet, you never want to quit.

WHY?

I hate you.

:'(

Quick update :)

2011-06-09T02:14:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone :)

I am writing again so soon..which means I have been having a generally great time :)

Semester's/Year 1 is basically pretty much over and now there's presentations and project work to concentrate on.

Some updates:

Yours truly visited the city of Oxford, Oxfordshire as of yesterday..and it was quite wonderful :) Peaceful and academic..There were students everywhere, from the University Of Oxford walking or cycling by with their dress robes. Yes, they wear robes. Harry Potter, much? Lolz. And they actually have a flower pinned to their robes; a white flower means they are onto their first day of exams, a pink flower means the second or consecutive days, a red flower with garlands around their necks means the last and final paper has just been completed :) And this town has so much more traditions..such as a customary dinner that happens only once in every 100 years. O.o

The weather was pretty erratic. I have been using the word "Crazy" to describe it up till now..but yea, crazy, erratic..u get what it means~. But overall, it was just a very pretty, little town :)

I bought books and books and books..lolz i don't have to repeat it so many times...but really, it was just heaven picking out the books and I was having quite a difficult time choosing as I really wanted all of them...only 2 pounds each, u see..hehehe...

And yes, the birthday surprise I was talking about? It went great :) Pictures have yet to surface on Facebook. Soon, I presume. Didn't have my camera..so all the photos are with a friend. Be warned however that yours truly was really sick (more like on the verge of dying..gahhh) on the day..but it was all good..food was great! And my friend teared because she just couldn't believe what was going on! Haha...sweet girl :)

A dear acquaintance/friend told me something that caught me off-guard. I am still thinking about it. And I have positive vibes about it. I was quite a personal comment..as in it was intended to me, not any statements about someone else. Sometimes, I wish my mind wasn't so intense...kinda troublesome. Everything verges on a fragile plane between two dimensions: analytical and making a big deal out of something that wasn't to begin with. I wish he wasn't so vague about it. We'll see.

As of today, I had a pretty productive day: went to the city council office to settle tax exemption issues and to the bank to set an appointment...and then it was coffee and a good chat with the new housemates-to-be and some shopping followed :) I love days like this~~

See y'all soon :D

Rantings!

2011-06-03T11:13:00.004+08:00

Hey y'all :D

Aite..now I am really pissed off at myself...

For....

Not writing in almost 2 months!

Haha...well, not exactly la. Been doing a consistent amount of writing here and there. And yes, that includes a lot of ranting on Twitter ;)

For those of you not already acquainted to the existence of a Twitter account belonging to a living legend that is BanuDaGreat, your's truly *wink*wink* sile2 la look to the left of this page, kays?

Do follow if you are at all interested in what I have to rant about daily. You could of course follow me by clicking on this blog link every day, but see...I don't tweet in little amounts. O.o I go for the big fish!

O.o

Lolz..

I tweet a lot la. I don't protect the tweets, so you would probably be able to view my tweets even if you do not own a Twitter account.

Alrights. Enough of that.

So what have I been up to?

Well, to sum it all up...here are some random thoughts, which I hope will cover what I've been up to la ar...O.o I get a little carried away at times~

Exams. Well that word is supposed to be intimidating for most people..but really, in my case, it was only a case of three papers la. I swear. Lol. Only three subjects...so not much to complain about. But yeah, the jitters were there. Last paper ended as of 2nd of June..yesterday :D

You know, it seemed like only when exams were around the corner, right at THAT moment miraculously, out of nowhere chores pop out. O.o And I mean, CHORES: the room will need vacuuming la, the milk runs out la, no food to cook la and the room's untidiness which never and I mean NEVER seems to bother me, IRKS THE SHAIT out of me I swear..O.o

Come to think of it, maybe...just maybe it was just me looking for a distraction la...ehehehh

I've been shopping consistently. For dresses and tops mainly...seeing that it IS the season of fashion baby!!! Well...it's spring/summer la...time for pretty pastels <3 I sound scarily girly, don't I? Well...lolz I can't help it. That's probably the image I portray anyways with all the girly apparels, so...no harm la ar :)

Finally finished reading Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom ! Yippee....yay me. Haha. I am this excited because it was totally worth every penny. And the time I spent on it, it didn't even seem like I was spending the time - it felt like I was sort of..presenting myself with the privilege of reading such a book and embracing all the human goodness contained in it. Y'all should give it a shot. Really, it's not for bookworms or people who think a lot like me. It really is for everyone who's anyone.

I have made a personal resolution to faithfully attend the University Chorus Society from the START of the next academic year up till the END. I swear. That's it. I have sworn to it and I shall keep my word :D Love singing too much to just forsake the whole thing.

The whole of April and bits and pieces of the beginning of May was basically filled with completing the last of assignments for Year 1 and then throughout May, it was all revisions, revisions, revisions. And yea, one or two of those other thingies.

This is not to say I escaped every other aspect of life la lolz...I say escape because well, it wasn't all that pretty.

You see, I had to miss a dear friend's birthday surprises; a picnic and a lunch treat. Well, an assignment was due 2 days from the picnic and the lunch treat was on the very day the assignments were due.

And knowing me...I start on ALL assignments only on the day they are due. Lolz. I know, it's disgusting...but well, I do all the research needed for it about a week before it's due, if i'm hardworking and in the mood...or else, it's just 3-4 days before it's due. And then on the day it's due, I draft the whole thing out. Initial drafts just don't exist in my world, darling.

So, I kinda missed it. I felt bad, yeah...but I couldn't really choose between an assignment and a birthday surprise/treat right? So I had to pass it on.

I guess it didn't harbour well with the people involved. Well yeah..understandable.

That was one happening that took quite a toll on me :p

I know, mushy and shaitz right, but yea la, I treasure my friends a lot...so when something like this happens, yours truly is affected, no doubt.

I hope this passes. I think it already has, anyway :D Yays..^^

I also have one thing to say. From all the rantings and thinking I did in the past 2 months, I came up with this:

I tend to lose respect for people who pretend like they cannot get along with a certain group of people and then right in front of me, they behave like they do indeed get along with them. And I know for a fact that it's all just an act.

I don't know. Just doesn't make sense to me. And it kinda tells me the values that make up the person. And yes, like every living creature, I base my instincts upon observations like this...and I take heed. And taking heed, I am...

Alrighty, time for bed now..gotta long day ahead of me tomorrow..Ironically, I have a birthday surprise tomorrow waiting for a dear friend. And what perfect timing eh? :D

And no, I am not ratting out the surprise here, cos she's already sound asleep...it's 4.30 AM y'all...haha

See y'all soon~~...more worthy awesomeness to come, I promise :D

Of tongue rolls and being...bilingual? O.o

2011-04-01T06:12:00.003+08:00

I had thoughts running in all directions with this interesting video:

INTERESTING is probably an understatement. The things said in this video stroked all the "right" chords in me, enough for me to write this post :D

I totally relate to the boy. If y'all notice, no one was cheering for him; whatever he said, there was either silence, or slight instances of jeering here and there but when the lady whom he was supposedly "debating" with said anything, the crowd couldn't have been happier.

I'm sure y'all noticed that too, no? Now what does that say about the show?

Well, my instant reaction to this video was: "This show was based on pre-meditated opinions."

A friend of mine posted the video on Facebook, thus getting my attention as well.

Few thoughts:

Tamil should be pronounced in its right way, as in Tamizh. Totally warranted. But really? From my perspective, me being a Tamizchi, as in a Tamilan, if I was talking to somebody who was not a Tamil about my mother tongue, I would say it as Tamil and not Tamizh. And even then, that's not even certain. It could be either one. What the hell does it matter, really? =.= It doesn't prove anything. It doesn't mean I am totally usurped into the "devilish" Western culture. I can still speak my language, whenever needed and in whichever situation where it is deemed appropriate and heck, I can even write in it, okay? And I am as modern as any girl could get =.= (safe to assume this la k..lolz). It's really a matter of switching between two languages. And that is why, you might hear me saying Tamil or Tamizh O.o

The boy was not given ample opportunity to make his point. If y'all notice, the tone in which both participants, the boy and the lady used to put their points across was quite different. As in, the boy was soft-spoken and the lady? Well, she looked pretty defensive to me. Lolz. I mean, I know the subject matter was that the Tamil culture was under threat or something because of the new cultures being adapted by the younger generation. But well, I just felt like pointing that out...because, the boy really had no need to defend his way of life. I could see that he was comfortable being who he is and that he was just trying to make the people understand his point of view. Which brings us to the next thought of yours truly....

The boy said he experiences some sort of "tongue roll" when he speaks Tamil and also, he would prefer to speak in English because he feels more comfortable conversing in the language. And then later on, we see that he was actually quite fluent. You see, that should not come as a surprise. It's just a matter of, which language you choose subconsciously whenever you start a conversation with someone. To be fair, probably the "tongue roll" excuse was not a good enough excuse to put his point across. But if y'all noticed, those people were heartless in passing judgements. Even the host, he was practically mocking the guy; imitating the way the boy said some words =.= dude, seriously?

It almost felt like the show was some sort of live telecast of a criminal being judged in some court. The fact is, whatever "victory" it achieved in putting its point across, well I've got news for those jokers: It's not gonna make any difference to the pace in which the young generation of India or be it any country in the whole damn word, are changing and opening up to cultures other than their own. It's like you people worship the internet at one point and then the next, it's like the root of all evil. Of course, by now, you would have realised that the internet is the main reason why different cultures are converging and why lifestyles are changing as a result.

Y'll need to calm the heck down and just live life as it comes...At the end of the day, we're all just human yaww...If you ask me, all the madness is coming from the mind.

And yes, I am putting this post up for all people who take things at face value. I am very well aware that there are people who watch videos like this, and just let the media put all the ideas into their heads, no questions asked. That has got to change.

And ar, you could also say that..."well, this girl, terasa sbb dia pun mcm budak laki kat video tu".

Ha, mmg tersgt betol la...lolz..spot on. Bull's eye.

You could even go as far as assuming that I am pissed. Well, who knows, maybe I am. All because, I appreciate the culture in which I come from and have been brought up with. Those people in the video above are thrashing that boy with wild, unwarranted and uncalled for accusations just because they are, in reality, opposed to the Western culture and not primarily because they feel the inherent need to protect their culture...~~

Alrighty...I think that's all for the ranting..lolz see y'all :D

2007 visits again

2011-03-22T19:34:00.002+08:00

I wish I wasn't so dramatic la. - "2007 visits again" bleh bleh bleh

Listening to Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolph n ma boy Lil Wayne, - "I wish I could be...as cool as youuu..."

And thus the beginning of this post. Lolz

Lame.

It's Tuesday yawwww and so I am free for the rest of the day :D

Really should be doing my assignment which is due TOMORROW right now, but nah....that will be done in a flash. Just this... *coughliecough* 1500 words *coughliecough* reflection...

Seriously. In a flash.

Anyways, I went to bed early last night. As early as 8.45 PM.

Ha. Awal giler.

And I got up at 7.45 AM to be honest, but lay there...lazing around like I usually do on days like this, till about 9-ish.

This might be hard to believe, but when I lay on my bed like that...I am usually thinking about something. Pondering certain happenings...

This morning it was about the life I had when I was in my last and final year of secondary school - Form 5.

Flashback 2007....

O.o

I was basically a different person altogether at the time compared to a couple of years before that.

The person that was known as Banu at that time is more or less who u are seeing now la lolz

2007 was a bitch.

Seriously.

Forget about SPM la...but my troubles started in Form 4.

When I was forced to enter "Science Stream"

Not a shit is cool about that stream okeh i swear.

Everyone studied HARD. Like mad.

3 monster subjects: Physics, Bio and Chemistry.

And my interest goes down in that order, too

Of course, my monster subjects toll were not those 3 alone. It was 10. lolz..the whole thing.

My day started off pretty early...school started at 7.25 AM but I had to be there by 7...prefects' briefing.

That's right. I was a prefect. =.='

I had my mind set to resign from the post as soon as I entered form 3, but of course my sister convinced my parents that it was not the wise thing to do and obviously, they listened to the older person.

=.=

And so, I took it into my stride, very reluctantly so.

Because of the dislike, I became quite rebellious. I was never punctual to the morning briefings, heck I din give a shit about going early to school, even. Not that I was late la ar..lolz

I hung my prefects' blazer on my shoulder...rolled up the sleeves on Monday, higher than we were allowed.

It's simple really. Just be tomboy-ish, and the mission will be lay itself out to be completed.

I did win the coolest prefect title for that year.

So, no big deal...

*show off mode*

Eheheheh...

At least something good came out of it la ar.

My best subject academically was English. I never scored below 95. Despite qualifying for the "Science Stream" I always had my eye on the Arts Stream.

(Note that I feel the incessant urge to put inverted commas for the former...but not the latter :p)

I hated Add Maths to the core and also the 3 monster subjects.

I don't even know why I went to tuition.

I tried my best to like em and be the hardworking student that any first class student was expected to behave like.

Well, we all know how that worked out.

Lolz.

Anyways, fast forward to now...I was actually thinking this morning, sprawled on my bed - who the hell was that?

I might even be regretting all the shit I did, man...

I know I could have done better...but who knows where I might have ended up if was a different person back then, right?

Ha...

I might not even be in this country right now.

I might not be doing this course...which I am growing to like with each passing day.

There I go again...why does every thing I say sound so damned poetic? I swear...

Lolz.

So, friends...never regret the past because for every decision that you made in the past, something good has come out it.

If you are happy with whatever life is giving you now, then things couldn't have been that teruk after all in the past, no?

I'm back yaww

2011-03-21T21:29:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all :)

More than a month without a new entry..

Must have been super annoying to visit and then find the same ol' thing no?

Heheh

Sorry yaw :/

You are right to assume that I had nothing to write about.

Rantings were far too personal.

And at other times, I simply had nothing absolutely worthwhile to blog about.

I am sitting in the computer lab right now, half an hour to go for the last ICT lesson for this term.

That's right. LAST WEEK of term. hehe..

I didn't even realise that till a while ago.

You know, I intended this post to be a personal letter to someone, but of course...if it was personal, why would it appear here in this public blog, right?

Haiz.

It's a little over 2 months now..and things have not changed much; not for the better and I don't think for the worse either. I don't even know if that person is one of the people viewing my blog. Probably not la.

Doesn't matter. Life goes on, regardless.

Also, yours truly had just recently "lost" a friend. There're a gazzilion reasons why I have put in inverted commas for that word. Lolz

Truth be told, I don't give 2 flying farks about the whole shit la. Seriously.

Shit happens at times, and no matter how honest you might choose to be things just don't go your way. However, one thing's for sure: you can always count on the fact that things that seem to be so suckish and shitty now, could mean the best for tomorrow...or some time in the future.

I don't know if that made sense.

But yeah, lolz..this could all be a blessing in disguise.

I hope it is.

Cos, believe me, for the life of me I have tried being as honest as honest can be. I have allowed ample time before hoping for anything too concrete.

And then at one point, something clicked. Why even bother?

It was like fighting to keep something alive that clearly wanted to die.

OK...that might not have been the best of analogies that I can offer. But well, there you go.

As of now, I am enjoying the solitude and I can say that in full security and sureness :)

No hesitation, no turning back.

As for that personal letter, er...maybe not wise to do so. Considering that the person I am going to intend it for wouldn't even read it..and the post would just disappear lower and lower on the page as I post more entries.

Suffice to say that...I almost spoke to the person today but decided not to...and you won't believe why - I was hoping to start a conversation that would last a little longer than just saying what I wanted and dashing out the door...just cos I hadta go to class.

Almost did it la. But didn't. That was a stupid reason by the way.

See y'all soon :D

Busy busy months ahead

2011-02-15T18:35:00.002+08:00

First year itself i'm burnin' up.

Lolz

Seems like the shower of portfolio tasks is endless.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty excited to get the ball rolling.

I think so.

THE LIST:

5 activities to create based on several learning objectives. This is for ICT. Not one of my areas of forte. Sheeeet.

Evaluations for the Language Awareness module.

Creative Drama play. I had a scary dream last night. The play was going to be staged and I still couldn't remember my lines. wtf ryte. The stupid dreams still visit. Such a pain i swear

And there is also a portfolio task for Creative Drama..which I am still very blur about O.o

Language Development group work...presentation. This one, I am kinda looking forward to :) I am always up for presentations. Anything to do with speaking...and writing too, I suppose. Sigh.

And then..another worry: flight back home in July. I am really hoping the ticket prices will go down. And I am seriously hoping for Emirates! Dayum.

Freaking expensive, I swear. 700+ pounds.

*Dies*

Anger

2011-02-11T05:07:00.004+08:00

This word is synonymous to every human being. Every living thing, even. Animals have feelings too, no?

There is a good reason why I have chosen to blog about this particular human emotion. I used to let anger get the better of me for as long as I could remember, up till I was about 14?

I had a horrible temper. I blew my top for every damned thing. lolz. I can use the D-word while being funny about it now. But those days...nah-uh.

I remember once, when I was 13 years old and I was the assistant class monitor. I was in-charge of the class pass. Largely known as "pas keluar". Lolz. There were two of it, made out of thick plastic. Green in colour with white writing.

So one day, I lost one of em. Someone took it and failed to return it. My haywire memory failed me as to who took it last. I found the broken pass at the back of the class, hidden in a desk.

Man I was furious.

I took responsibilities seriously (at the time la..now, rilek bebbbb).

And yes, you guessed it. I blew my top.

I blew my top so LOUD that I think maybe smoke was comin outta my ears.

I shouted..and went on and on...nagging em.

Threatening, even.

See how many negative things I did there? See how many misdeeds I had committed myself right there?

One, I reprimanded my classmates. Not nicely. Two, I nagged.

And finally, the worst of em all, I lost control of myself.

The mind is a dangerous place...and it's up to the owner of the thoughts to control it.

In retrospect, I definitely could have handled the situation better. I could have just reported the matter to the form teacher. Duh.

I just took things too seriously..

Ahem.

What's that I see? Excuses for an inexcusable behaviour?!

Lolz...seriously, it was inexcusable. Inexcusable in my own terms...to me. Regardless of what people thought of my behaviour, I take full responsibility for losing my temper like that.

Sigh.

I often made history back then.

---------

You must be wondering what's the point of all this story-telling.

Well you see, yours truly was in the kitchen preparing dinner just now. I was making my first curry in the UK :D

I was really in a very good mood I swear..just decided that I should go ahead and keep true to my roots and enjoy some good ol Malaysian food la weh.

I swear, Britons have their own version of curry. Now that just won't do for a Malaysian Indian native like me, would it?

Thus the endeavour to dish up egg curry :)

It went well...but...

Ha...there's always a but in happy stories.

You may add a "t" to that "but" if you want to. Cos this seriously felt like the person was doing that.

Enter an ANGRY soul.

Yay. The word has finally popped into the post.

You see, angry soul - we shall angry soul, angry person from now on - entered the kitchen. Angry person's food had just finished baking in the oven. Way before angry person came downstairs to check on it.

So, yours truly helped angry person switch the timer and oven off. We don't want a fire, now do we. Freaking cold, outside remember? The alarm rings its butt off and that's exactly where we would have ended up.

But nah..a fire wouldn't have started that fast anyway..lolz

Dramatic effect la.

So ok. Back to our happy-but-cacat-ed story.

Angry person came in. Saw that the oven was already switched off and set off placing the food on angry person's plate.

And then, the storm came.

It was all whooooshhh swoooshhh as angry person walked about the kitchen preparing the finishing touches to the food. Guess angry person was really hungry.

Our kitchen door has this handicap. It slams shut like a goddamn guillotine hammer every time someone opens it and let's go of it suddenly.

Unless you bring the door to its hinges slowly, the whole house rattles a little. And you go deaf for a moment.

Such intensity the slam holds.

And angry person HATES this. And so angry person has, unsurprisingly been the most enthusiastic advocate to complain every time the door does the slam show. Of course, the person who organised the slam show would be blamed, gossipped about...with all kinds of swear words and grunts hurled at em.

Behind their back, usually. And in one unfortunate incident, on Facebook. Tch tch tch. That was some fiasco back there...

But hey ho..what do we have here...angry person is the guilty person this time.

Ha..

Angry person pulls off an AWESOME slam show dude. I swear. It was awesome.

Indeed.

I had my MP3 blaring in my ears man.

Of coursE, I didn't go deaf.

But hearing the slammin' I really went deaf momentarily and my heart did a little jump.

Lainla kalo the heart jump was cos of a crush or wat ryte..this was bona fide shock man.

So. Sigh..was obvious that angry person was indeed....angry.

O.o

You see, angry person and I recently got into a misunderstanding. And I have chosen to distance myself from angry person. For my own freakin good.

Guess it's not harbouring well with angry person.

Oh well.

Tough luck.

Anyhow, dear followers...the thing is, anger.

It's perfectly normal to have that emotion.

You're only human. You're only alive.

People have different dispositions.

Some are just naturally angry most of the time. Or at least, look angry.

That's besides the point.

The point is, while you can't help but feel anger once in a while, you can help how you choose to deal with it.

Bottom line is that you are upset right? Displeased.

So, show it.

Not anger. But the displeasure.

There's a difference.

Anger is most often than not, associated with violence. Talk about slam shows la ar. *cough*lie*cough*

Displeasure, is a more genteel way of showing it. Lolz

In my experience, it's better to practise the latter.

The former just brings about unnecessary embarrassment and imprints an undignified impression on others. Adds tension to the whole issue, as well.

Sigh.

I was shocked, I'll admit it.

But if the anger was directed at me, well angry person, I have this to say: I have not wronged you in any way. I can swear to it. You on the other hand, have. But then again, who am I to judge? I will not accuse angry person of any wrong deed. No. It is after all largely dependent on how I choose to react to whatever the wrongdoing was, if there was any, in the first place right?

It so happens that I have chosen to stay true to my nature.

Of rather be an honest critic than a hypocrite, thank you very much.

If I were to go on pretending like I was fine being friends with angry person, I would be betraying my conscience to the point that I doubt I would ever forgive myself.

Call me melodramatic la weh. I cannot afford to lose time and energy worrying about tongues wagging.

I am in no way perfect. I have my flaws too. I believe in accepting flaws in friends. Sad to say that there's a limit to that acceptance level as well.

I am not bound by any personal interest to reject angry person because of these flaws.

But I am definitely bound by my conscience.

------

Now, let's wrap this post up with the subject matter aite?

Lolz...

Getting too serious. Not cool.

So..anger. It is a weakness. As scary and "strong" or intimidating you might look like when you lose your temper, you are at the losing end in the long run.

Heck, you don't even need the long run. At that very moment you throw a tantrum, you won't be able to think right. Thoughts will be running through every person who is present in the same room as you. Probably thinking how very unnecessary all the drama is...and yes, you guessed it. How immature.

Is that strong? Does immaturity mean you are unbeatable? Especially if you are already 21, an age where you are probably expected to possess a respectable amount of maturity.

Doesn't make sense, no? Ha...

Think about it.

The next time you choose to be "fair" to yourself and show your temper openly..throw things about or hurl swear words or slam doors *cough*lie*cough*, think about the damage you are doing to yourself.

I have a dream

2011-02-10T04:37:00.002+08:00

Wat up peeps? :D

That was a forced smile up there.

Sigh

Well, let's just say things have not been entirely good for yours truly these past couple of weeks.

You know, I never complain. I don't breathe a whine. Seriously.

And while everything has a first time for it, I sure as hell don't have one for this lolz

This is not whining la k.

You see, thing is I came across this definition of a blog in my ICT class in Uni.

It says, a blog is basically an online journal. And what does one see in a journal? To my understanding, it is a log of the day's happenings...provided of course it's a daily journal of one's everyday life. It could be a food journal, even. :D

Anyhow, so this is what this post is about la. Not whining but letting y'all know about what's happening in yours truly's kaleidoscope of her recent days.

Wth. That's too mushy. Too flowery.

In short, updates.

First of all...there's the piano tutoring I've been doing. One of my students told me last week that she can't go on learning. >.<

You know what that means, right? I lose a student, I lose the money.

I am not doing it for the money really. But I kinda NEED the green notes man. (They ain't really green. Just some kinda mojo)

I love music...I love teaching music even more. So, I wasn't really concerned when the news came in.

However, I still had my first student. Who happens to be a very good beginner, if I may say :)

I hope she's enjoying it too.

At the rate this is going, I will be earning at least 20 pounds per month. That' 4 classes. 5 pounds per hour.

The classes that I intend to take for me is gonna cost a hell lotta more than that. 22 pounds per HALF an hour k. lolz..no kidding

If I am going to move one grade up, I will definitely need to take classes at least once a week. Twice a month ain't gon do the job...nah-uh.

Dayum.

That's only the first.

Second news.

I emailed the director of the music department last Thursday about getting in touch with a piano tutor. An adult, certified pianist who perhaps has a teaching diploma in music.

I have, thus far received no reply.

This is the freakin director of music we're talking about here.

God knows where I got the nerve to even type out the email.

I even hinted at a request for him to tutor me. I am prepared to pay the notes. Seriously

I will, by hook or by crook find some way to get the money.

Legally, of course.

o.O

So yes, this evening. I headed for choir practice at uni about 5 PM.

Turns out, I didn't get the memo that the choir was cancelled? At least I think it was.

There was one other girl waiting when I got there. She didn't get know as well.

Anyways, I went with high hopes man. Hoping to see the director in-person. He handles the university chorus society.

That's probably how I got the guts to do it.

The email that made history.

Or perhaps is going to.

Ergh.

-------------

Come to think of it. That's all really. Those two are the nagging thoughts as of now.

Only two.

And I am a wreck.

*Awkward pause*

Phenomenal.

=.=

By the way, I am thinking of getting down to writing a book.

I know, I know...i have said this before and nothing concrete has come out of it.

I did try, you know.

But the muse wasn't right.

I don't think I am going to try my hand at fiction.

I might, who knows.

Hmm.

Let's just hope nothing adds to that list aite...

Fingers and toes crossed.

A case of basic courtesy

2011-02-07T23:33:00.003+08:00

Hey y'all.

Been a while.

Past few weeks have been some sort of revelation for me. Of the things that start to matter more as one grows older.

Well, 3 days on and it will be a month. I 'm not sure if any progress has been made or if things are still the same way the were.

Twisted. The whole thing is.

You guys probably have no idea what I'm talking about lolz. That's alright. Just like one of my friends who also has a blog mentioned, a blog could be for your personal rants and whims...but people don't usually want to read that, they have their "plentiful own". Hmm. Agreed.

Hence, more serious matters shall avail.

*solemn*

Lolz..

As you guys know, I keep things short. Not too much potpet potpet.

So today, this morning I walked into class..breezed into actually. And the first words?

"Look who's early today...hehe"

I said that. I guess I was surprised at being early myself. In months.

And then, as the class settled down I realised that no one had actually looked me in the eye. That revelation came to me about 15 minutes into the lesson.

As the lesson progressed, it became clearer and clearer that people were avoiding meeting my eye. Well, let's just say it was the table where I was sitting la ar. Let's narrow things down abit.

Just to be sure. The logistics of the class: 26 of us. And I am going to get a lil um...uncomfortable now, because I am going to list the races that constitute the 26 of us.

So yes, there are 3 indians, all girls and one chinese girl. Others are all Malays. Safe to say that others are all Muslims.

As we all know, Muslims pride themselves in being modest when it comes to their attire. What with the headscarves and hijabs and the like. The class has 4 males, Muslims as well. The others are all Muslim females.

I am already feeling very da uncomfortable now. Mentioning religion as well now, are we =.=

Anyways, being Muslim females, they all don headscarves relentlessly. Every single day, in the presence of any male. Among girls, they relax the habit.

Being a student in a class like this would not, ideally speaking implicate my style of dressing. But trust me, it can attract a lot of attention if the non-implication is thought to be a total freedom thing.

Well, I have been lulled into a false sense of security that I really had that freedom to dress in whichever way I wanted, show how much skin I wanted to and was comfortable in revealing..

Actually, I have known it all along. That it would not harbour well with my Muslim counterparts.

(I feel like smacking myself when I mention that M word, seriously)

Still continuing..

I am pissed, to be honest with y'all. Not drunk, but pissed as in really upset. And annoyed.

This is not the first time that I have been, i don't know what's the right word..belittled? Pandang serong in BM...Reprimanded. The only difference is that, they just didn't voice it out this time. The silent shit is even more annoying.

One girl actually had the nerve to say, "Eee, tk tahan la" (Ee, I can't stand it). Coupled with this really stupid look on her face. If you are reading this, well THANK GOD you are. Trust me you ain't getting half of the consequence you would be facing if I gave it to you in person :]

And then, it was the 'compliments': "Eee, banu sexy"

If you notice, she actually used "ee" to pass a compliment. Which is what really made me wonder in the first place...was that a compliment? Or a warning for me to cover up?

Today was the grand finale.

Full-on silent treatment.

It didn't really bother me in the beginning. But then as I became more and more aware of the flighty stares and unusual stiffness of this particular girl seated next to me, I just thought..."Why, the nerve of this people..."

I am saying it again: I am pissed.

I mean, never mind all the remarks. If these peeps were to have someone point at their tudung (headscarf) and say, "Ee tak tahan", HOW WOULD THEY FEEL THEN?

Like it was none of your business

Precisely.

Thing is, I wonder what is it that they find so digusting. My skin? Well it ain't scaly or anything...neither do I have a problem with boils or pus.

Is that disgusting enough or should I pump it up a notch?

=.=

---continued back home----

The fury (fulemak) has pretty much died down now. I just can' t forget how miserable I felt at the time. A bit like Johnny Depp's character in Chocolat...---which I have just finished watching for the umpteenth time :D

So yea, PLEASE try and keep a civilised front to whomever or whatever situation you are in, which is not to your taste. It's basic courtesy.

Updates :)

2011-01-26T09:00:00.003+08:00

Hey y'all..

So, I've been thinking. It's been 2 weeks since I last blogged. O.o

Two whole weeks.

O.o

What should I blog about eh?

........

*bunyi cengkerik*

Lolz...

K la. Maybe I should just update y'all about happenings..random ones..

Received my first assignment for Creative Drama yesterday - January the 25th. Scored a surprising number..lolz. For a last minute job la. I started working on it only the morning of the deadline. Hehe..but not entirely, of course. Sources and ideas of basic layouts were already in place. Just drafting the whole thing. Still. I could have started earlier. Point to consider and stick to. As of this assignment, I am pretty satisfied I think. You really do reap only what you sow.

I have a creamy sauce blot on the left lens of my glasses. From the creamy sauce mushroom tagliatelle I had for lunch yesterday. Hee :D It's nothing to be Hee-ed about actually. It's pretty annoying to have my vision blocked. By a creamy sauce.

I have an audition for Creative Drama tomorrow...and I haven't even looked at the script yet. Well. Go figure. (It's kinda fun to rebel, you know. All that drama in the last-minute rush..daem. Drama in the literal sense. Talk about applying what you learn. Practising what you preach)

Been tweeting a lot lately. A whole heckuva lot.

Tweeting is fun.

It's going to take over Facebook's spot some day. Some fine day.

Maybe it shares a spot with Facebook.

Gossip Girl episode 12 is finally up on tubeplus. *light from heaven shining*

ALLLrighty...that's enough for now. Lolz...I might just keep ranting. A cuppa tea is brewing as we speak..A refreshing cuppa tea. Yes. Really in need of that.

See y'all soon. With a better post, hopefully... Peace \/

My Jungle of a Brain.

2011-01-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

I was just listening to and watching the Wild Thornberry's soundtrack. A friend of a friend posted it on facebook...

The video featured this little girl, of about 8 years old sprawled on her bed, in her fairy tale pink, very girly (think mountains of soft toys and doll houses) room, flipping a book with her legs up in the air, swinging to waves from her imagination, a huge grin plastered across her mouth...dreamy eyes...etc etc. In a world of her own...blanketed in bliss.

This thought came to me:

Isn't it a wonderful thing to be a child?

Come to think of it, you can let it go on for as long as you wish..be a child for as long as you want to be one.

Someone once said...we never really grow up, we just learn how to behave in public.

It's not that as an adult (or young adult ehem ehem..) you would have more problems and life would seem like a real struggle to get by day to day.

It it was, then kids would be spitting out the word "grown-up" like it was a swear word used to poke fun at...well, grown-ups. Kids have their own challenges..they just don't complain how unfair it is to them they have to grow up.

Growing up does mean more responsibilities, independence, self-expectations that linger around much longer than a childish whim, etc etc

It's been 4 months since yours truly touched down in England. Away from home for the first time. My 2 years of the foundation course, back in KL doesn't count okeh..I was the lucky (or unlucky) few that could go dash back to the heavenly comforts of home come every Friday.

So yes, away from home. Miles away. The homesickness is there, but is never a permanent resident. lolz..talk about choice of words la ar. It's kinda like a nomad. Moving from place to place. The place is of course, revolving ever-so-faithfully around my brain, my thoughts. It goes round and round. Now you see it, now you don't.

Shoba, my sister told me that you would only feel homesick if you had nothing to do. In my case, I think i shall alter that into: if i had something to do but chose to procrastinate for as long as I could.

Lolz..

Not entirely true. My parents, my neighbours, my neighbour's dog, Malaysia...is always at the back of my mind. Always. Though I miss my mum, being the perfectionist and disciplinarian that she's always been (and of which I am proud of), nagging at me for sleeping in too much or lazing around and my dad..who's advice and reminders have become so much a part of me that I just feel very lost without them...(ok, it's the end of the sentence dy, i shall continue in the next paragraph)

Yes, despite missing all that, I realise that I have to grow up someday, right? I hate it that it's happening now, so soon.

Nevertheless, any point of time would seem "so soon" in the light of being the youngest in the family and how much of a kid I'll always be.

When I was a kid, my mind was pretty silent. I was an introvert and an extrovert. It's like, I'll be sitting in a corner of a kindergarten classroom and when it comes to volunteering for something, my hand shoots up from nowhere. Literally nowhere because i don't think anyone even saw me sitting there. I think even I was shocked...O.o

Anyways, i just did things. I went ahead and jumped head-first. I remember the downside of all the head-first plunges I took. Bouts of embarrassment, anger from the teacher, laughter..etc etc, but at the same time, awe and respect and I suppose a little envy even.

Somehow, along the way, I paid more attention to the downside than the upside. And I became a false extrovert. Seemingly very sociable on the outside but inside, butterflies were conquering. I wasn't alone with my silent mind anymore. My thoughts and actions were not in-sync anymore.

Instead, yeah..i thought wayyyy to much. I still do that. I start making up this super convoluted chart of action-reaction in my head whenever I am "inspired" to do something new and end up too scared and not doing it at all.

This probably tops the list of things that I miss from my childhood. The guts. The blind courage you could say....I still relish it no matter how blind and stupid it is because at least, I was being myself. DUH.

Anyhow, my school of thoughts have since evolved into something more complicated, yes. But not without some well-needed elements.

There has to be a balance in everything right? I personally believe that whoever you are, your ultimate goal in life is to strike the perfect balance. Taking the middle path doesn't mean you don't have a backbone like some would opine.

It's not something that you strive tirelessly for..it's something you just give your best shot at.

If you can give your best shot, then you are, at no point, under any circumstance, allowed to put any blame on yourself if things don't turn out well.

I also realise that I have a habit of making LONG, very complicated sentences. O.o

Lolz, can't help it yo. That's probably a minute glimpse of how sibuk my brain is. Not jaga tepi kain org lain all k, I go paranoid over my own kain.

Lolz..

Time to snap out of it

2011-01-07T22:56:00.003+08:00

Alrighty..

Yours truly has decided..that there's no point in being upset with something that she clearly doesn't have control over.

Term starts coming Monday. Not sure if I'm looking forward to it. 50 50 la ar..

It's gonna be the end of late nights, zero mornings..basically yea, those two oni. lolz..

It also marks the start of another shower of assignments I think...and exams.

Oh boy.

all the swear words in the world

2011-01-06T00:36:00.003+08:00

I rarely get worked up.

But when I do, people don't usually see it. It's well covered up.

The only time I think my anger would show is if u see me glaring. That's how far it goes really.

Even when I feel like I am about to explode, I never resort to verbal abuse. NOPE. That is not me. I don't create a scene.

I basically go quiet.

As of now, yours truly is PISSED.

Seriously.

And I doubt it VERY MUCH that I am going to have ANY qualms about losing my temper. Soon.

Things always get better..no matter what :)

2010-12-31T05:14:00.003+08:00

Peeps...

I just realised..

It just became clear to me that...

The last entry was some emo shit wasn't it? lolz...

Never mind. Happens.

Anywayssss....one good news to share with y'all :)

Yours truly has a place to stay in next year!! Haha...dayumm, sound like a bloody squatter dude or something man..

Deposits have been paid, contracts signed and the house is ours starting July 2011...

Muahahah :D

*ancient happy folk dance*

Yes, I am guilty, thank you very much

2010-12-29T13:50:00.004+08:00

To all you peeps out there who has been there for a dear friend or family when they were troubled, just give yourself a pat on the back, would ya.. :)

Hey y'all...

Yours truly has no smileys to offer on this post...as in the "happy" smiley..cos honestly, who would be smiling all the time right..

Lolz..

There goes the lolz again..oh well. Old habits die hard.

You know, for once, I can truly say that I miss Malaysia.

I miss home one heck of a lot. I swear.

You can't just read that sentence and say, "uh, yeah, she misses home. Right."

You don't get it by just reading that. You will never know how it really is like unless you are away from home, for real. And let's just say you're from Klang and you get your ass whipped to some place north like Penang or Kedah...haha, no way man. It ain't that simple.

Imagine thousands of miles okeh..when you know the possibility of hopping onto the next bus is close to negative 15 or something.

So, ok. I won't just say I miss home and leave it at that...and make the post look whiny and shitz..

Here's why Banu Da Great misses home so da sgt da very much.

I am on winter break right now right? Or term break, either one la...

Usually, when I am on break, I'll be back at home, in Klang...surrounded by my dad, mum...my piano...my neighbours' dogs. Especially Simba, who is just impossible to ignore, as small as he is..he thinks he's all that..but oh well..you get the picture.

But now, all I'm surrounded by is well....more like what I am surrounding the place with la..overloading actually - it is that bad lolz..

It's just me, and the room-for-one, the laptop, ASDA and shopping for groceries (it is important for me to say groceries cos seriously, i'm not that kaya la ar to go shopping for clothes and shitz) the cold (how could I forget), and yeah, lots of other derivatives from the above.

When I say derivatives, I mean DERIVATIVES. Like the most imminent of them all - FACE-freaking-BOOK.

I am really saying this - it's probably the new root of evil. Money of course, would be the ever-prevailing champion..But it will probably have to share it's spot with Facebook, soon.

I might sound like one of the very sad people out there who blame Facebook for every peril in life...when in truth, they could have just practised a tad bit of discretion..

But, honestly...I have no idea how much more discreet I could get with the info I choose to share. No freaking idea.

It's not so much of discretion. I'm guessing it's more of how....facebook is basically a sad excuse for keeping in touch with friends. Actually, a brilliant excuse, but somehow it has been complementing the job of a stalker.

O.o

Ha. terkezut tak?

Lolz..

Stalking is, in other words, keeping in touch. Seriously.

I mean, how does this scenario look to you: You log into Facebook, you look at your homepage. See some status updates...and think, "Hmm, this is interesting. I'd like to see more from so and so..let's go sibuk2 :D"

So you click on the so-and-so's name. And BAM...all sorts of info...activities...you basically know their every step and action. I mean to say that FB has become such an important part of life that almost nothing from your real life is kept apart from this virtual BS. BS is short for you-know-what.

NOw, you tell me..what does a stalker do basically?

Ha...m not gonna answer that. I presume you would have thoughts of your own on that.

Keeping in touch is the more....civilised way (or whatever nice name you wish to call it la ar) of...stalking.

The point of me ranting away about this...is simple. Yours truly might have been guilty of stalking a certain someone in the past few weeks.

Please ah. Before you start going, "Ewww....omg! She did.NOT!", Lemme just explain myself okeh...I am generally, the type of person who doesn't give a shitz about what people do with their lives. I just saunter along...observing people and as the thoughts come into my head, I just pay a good amount of attention and go back to minding my own business. Always been that way.

The issue here is...I have not been in that usual element of myself these past few stalking weeks. I'd like to call these weeks as such. Simply because I feel that that is the cause for all this distress.

Simply put, I have nothing to do la..lolz...Homework mmg ade..but hello, who even looks at that until it's the final week of hols right...(at least I said final WEEK, not final few DAYS, okeh..)

But anyways, it happens. I have chosen to say it out here...cos well, I thought, let's just be honest and frank. Yours truly has her flaws, too you know...as GREAT as she can be...

Lolz...

So yea, a simple act of keeping in touch has turned into stalking. But not in the real sense of the word, thank god. It's not like I took a flight back to Malaysia and started stalking for real ok. Lolz..I kept a constant eye on the person's profile, that's all.

And that constant eye had a purpose. A reason.

Which I think, as of NOW, as of the 29th of December, 6.21 AM...actually 5 AM (I took time to mix some coffee and think about writing this post), is obsolete.

That's it. No more. I genuinely do not harbour any more interest in knowing.

(if you notice, that's the first smile in this post...O.o)

You know, if there was one thing you could count on...it's me being truthful. I seldom or as the case would permit, NEVER, lie about my intentions. I don't fickle, either. If at all I choose to disguise my intentions using words or just body language, I will have a good reason for those too. Just like everyone else.

Only thing is, that seldom happens. I don't do disguises much. I don't prefer them. And so, what you see is what I really mean, and what you get. So, you can take me up on my word that I have no interest whatsoever. I just feel liberated, in other words.

You might be wondering what is the situation, exactly? Well, I have chosen that much of discretion. I am not gonna mention any names or even the reason la. Can't. Why? Cos it's private.

That actually sounded silly...but well, here's the thing - being very generous with my thoughts has not brought me much good. Lately, especially. It might provide a great deal of entertainment to the people hearing and watching, but oh no...not me. Lolz..So, for once, I choose to be selfish.

Come to think of it...I have always been vague with the stuff I write on this blog..hmm.. but in this case, yours truly has just poured her deepest, most private feelings and thoughts to a certain someone...and got ignored. Oh well, happens.

And now, coming back to the beginning of this post. I said something about being there for someone right? Well...as of this morning, right now...I basically had no one. No depressing reason all..lolz just that everyone's still sleeping or just went to bed...

I'm not really looking for anyone to share the "news" anyway. And this brings y'all to the main reason why I chose to get me butt of the comfy bed so freakin early to write.

Yours truly has something to impart to her dear followers and you, who just happened to come across this blog:

You are your own best friend. In times of distress and unhappiness, look no further than yourself for comfort and relief. Should anyone be around when you break down, if their shoulder is offered, cry on it. It's okay. But believe in one thing - no one but YOU would understand how YOU truly feel and so, who ELSE would know the right things to say to make you feel better?

So, relying on yourself wouldn't be that bad after all...for once, it's not wrong to be dependent. When you depend on yourself, I don't think it's called needy, is it?

If at all this post sounds mushy, whiny, etc.., I have this to say la - I had to do all that "whiny" explaining because this post had to make the right sense. I doubt I would want all that assumption going on in anyone's head. Lolz...serious control issues, huh? :p

But yeah..that said, even if the post still seems whiny...well, stuff it la...Ask anyone who loves to write...sometimes, your only refuge is that. Writing or whatever it is that you're good at, will not give up on you...not ever, I think.

Alrighty...enough ranting...

It's New Year in about 3 days peeps...

Sum up all your resolutions (this word just invokes uncontrollable sarcasm from me i swear..lolz) if any...and good luck aite?

Till next time..:D

New Book!

2010-12-17T22:39:00.002+08:00

You know, nothing gets me more excited than a new book - that was on my Facebook status about a week ago..

...when I finally decided to just order one of the items on my wishlist..

JENG JENG! that's right...hehehe..

The Help by Kathryn Stockett is the book..and I am going to pamper this baby loads much..cos i spent..ok, come to think of it, not that much aso la. Maybe I'm gonna take care of it, just because I love books so much :)

Yours truly is currently keeping herself busy by going for countless house viewings in a single day than anyone in their right minds would be doing in a week I think. But thankfully, the routine has ended since 2 days ago...and I think we might have found just the place :D

Praying hard that the agreements are all settled by the end of this month at least...Hmm *fingers crossed as well*toes, even*

Remind me to do the happy dance when things finally get through properly :D

Wishlist!! :D

2010-11-29T07:52:00.005+08:00

*Jeng*JENG*

Ssup eberibadi?!

I just had a cup of coffee...so yeah, explains the hyperactivity O.o

So..what has yours truly been up to these days, eh.. Let's see...

Well, besides facebooking (yerrp, that's a verb now :) ) at excessive amounts, totally unhealthy amounts at that, she has been working on assignments, presentations, etc etc...

I wouldn't say that's ALL I've been doing..there's the odd choir practices every Wednesday (i don't even know why people use "odd" in front of random words O.o...don't you wonder?), the cold that just cannot be ignored no matter how hard you try to even LOOK like you have acclimatised already....(yeahhhh right la) lol...and eating out every now and then...

Sounds pretty routine, no?

Well, on one of my frequent walks into Canterbury's city centre, I visited some bookshops. As nerdy as this might sound, YES, I HEREBY CONFESS THAT MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE PAST TIME (after the piano) IS BOOKS, BOOKS, AND.....BOOKS. o.O

o.O

Yah wei...seriously. You know the look on the faces of football fans during World Cup? When their eyes are sort of permanently glued to the flat screen, or plasma or watever it is that people watch the matches on these days la... ha, yes, the look?

That's exactly what I experience when I enter a bookshop. I swear.

I grab books like a shopaholic would grab a Gucci on sale.

So yeah...the other day, I was willing my time away after class in the city and I thought...hmm, let's go have some real fun.

I know you're probably saying, "how lame" right now....lolz...but well, it makes me happy, anyway :)

Not the "how lame" statement, but the point of my entering Waterstone's

Yeah, that's where I went first. Kinda posh this place, i tell you...

Anyways, to cut things short I kinda have a wishlist of books now. My fault la really...cari pasal by even thinking of stepping foot into the bookshop =.='

Wishlist~~

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth (this would cost me about 10 pounds...sigh)

Bel Ami by Guy de Maupassant (remember "The Necklace"? from form 4 lit? yeah...that's the same dude who wrote this book...i curled up with this on the lone couch at Waterstone's, and was immediately hooked on it..this is about..erm...7 pounds if i'm not mistaken...)

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (i have this insatiable craze for Bronte novels...i have no idea why..i just want to own the whole damned collection LOL...and in clear support for the environment, I'm trying to locate Penguin Classics copies...since publications are on recycled paper and is, by far the cheapest. freaking 2 pounds *HUGE GRIN*)

The Help by Kathryn Stockett (been eyeing this one for a long time now...decided to go for Eat Pray Love instead)

That's only...say, about half of the whole list lolz....

Even as I wrote all that "wonderful" titles down, I still feel like it's lame la...but, can't help it. Nope. Nah-uh. Still lurve them books.

The time shall come when I will own thee *battle cry*

Hehehe...

Btw, my dad is active on facebook.

I don't even know why I hadta mention that.

O.o

Anyways, Christmas is creeping up soon...time for presents! :D *hint*

Dudududu~~~

\M/

Volunteering :)

2010-11-01T09:14:00.011+08:00

Hey y'all :)

So..study week's officially over. It's 1.12 in the morning as I write..supposed to be studying for a Language Awareness quiz tomorrow...but that's all cool...(yah r

ight)

Heheh..

AnywaYS....I am going to study la okeh...kejap lagi~~

Only after I tell y'all about my wonderful adventure last Saturday, the 30th of Oct.

Yours truly went for her first volunteering gig :D *widest grin to flash from me huge mouth*

It was fun...and as they all said before, very much soul-satisfying :)

It all happened on one sunny and beautiful day at Romney Marsh...

Here are some pics of what we did for the whole day...none of them are mine, though...and therefore, I shall mention here that, FRIENDS, copyright belongs to y'all>>>>Sihah, Yuges, Syin..and all others whom pics I am featuring here~~

Da gang..Before we left for Romney Marsh..took us an hour by bus..

Our first apple tree...just look at that happy face~~...dat's Yuges and Hanz by my sides..~~

Wasn't aware that we were making funny poses..that's Jie, with her stunt..in the midst of planting our second apple tree

This was to prevent rabbits, as cute and adorable as they are, from eating the bark of the young plants..was quite tricky to put these on without breaking the tender shoots

As we mixed the earth with compost..

With our apricot tree..I really was happy, wasn't I..just look at the size of that grin man..O.o

Mira, yours truly and Yuges during break..that's me holding a cup of hot, hot coffee(heaven)...and still looking as happy as ever

After the coffee and some cookies..nice arch, no? :)

And then..we got a little inventive...

I shall flatter myself that this looks like a bollywood movie poster..heheh :p

And finally...a shot with Alicja :)

So..that's it peeps...:) I hope to do this again some time soon...

And now..back to my notes...~~~*dang*

See y'all soon ;)

Study week..

2010-10-25T19:37:00.002+08:00

Lo and BEHOLD....

*dramatic pause*

Study week's here! (some ancient happy folkdance)

But alas...not really that happy-fying la..lolz..I got up this morning feeling a little panicky..

Study week is meant for us to catch up on any reading that's due..and to get started on assignments. These are the exact words (or at least what I remember of them) of Kevin, our course coordinator.

I'm sitting at the 3 rd floor of the library aka Augustine House as I write..just to get my mind off the amount of reading that I have to do.

I haven't been much of a good student lately...and thus, the work that has piled up. Anyhow, I think I'm going to have a wee bit of fun at least..hmm.

So...yesterday was yours truly's burtdae..hehe..I am officially out of the teen zone..

(You must be thinking..who says that? teen ZONE?..teen age la..i don't even know why i said zone..O.o)

Me wonderful friends made lunch...Jega cooked chicken rice..fabulous one at that..

And there was a chocolate cake to go with the meal as dessert :) Really appreciate what the girls did..was happy :)

The point of this post is to say thank you (yet again) to the girls..I was really touched by their initiative...still am :)

And also..I've been thinking of this for the past few days.

Based on events for the past few days, I am getting more and more convinced that life doesn't really give you what you want..it gives you something else instead..like some sort of compensation for the actual thing that you want

I mean, there are these awkward moments when it happens...O.o

Of course, there's the thing about "life is about choices"...And yet, somehow along the way, you find yourself looking at something you really want, but having something else in its place..

Haih...

O Discipline..where art thou..

2010-10-20T18:43:00.002+08:00

Discipline.

It has been evading yours truly off late and I absolutely hate it (not discipline, but it not visiting me).

I have spent the last few days being a complete bum, only merely glancing at all the reading that I have to do. That's what's uni's all about really...lots of reading. As far as the first semester's concerned anyway..

Putting a stop to it..

2010-09-02T18:46:00.003+08:00

I wonder how many times have I started out on a new entry..fully intending to write very bluntly about the thing that's bothering me...and then...doing the exact opposite.

As in..not writing at all.

O.o

The thing is, it's always up to you how honest and transparent you wish to be about whatever's going on in your life. This blog can be about anything...current issues, accounts of the day's happenings, pet peeves, dreams, people..blabla...

Today, it's going to be about habits. Your's truly is in danger of being a victim of her habits. I was just about to put an adjective in front of the word "habits". Like..stupid...or useless.

I'm not sure whether it really is stupid ya noe...

I'm leaving for the UK in about 11 days. 10 days la..if you don't count Sept 13th.

Damn....didn't know the countdown is standing at that...

Bad habits (sleeping in for too long, making a mess..etc. etc.) aside, there's another thing that's been hovering about for the past few days...inner turmoil.

Emotionally, I am not ready at all i think. There's the occasional bubble of happiness and excitement pending the departure to my dream land...and then there's the people..and favourite things to do in Malaysia..that I'm about to leave behind.

It's not really the current circumstances or routines that I'm apprehensive about. Time's here to leave the nest anyways...

Making the most of the next 10 days would be the best and wisest thing to do, no? :D...

And for that to happen...yours truly resolutes to put an end to the sleeping habit and hopes to see (and join) the world up and about..

~Wish her luck~

Hair...

2010-08-15T11:33:00.005+08:00

Elo... :)

You know..I was just thinking..a few days ago la...>>>that's it la..the blog is dying..

Cos I really had no mood to write about anything...

I swear....it was like as if my blog was experiencing the final stages of some terminal disease...

O.o

And then...this morning...Sunday morning, yours truly surprisingly had the thought to wake up early la..usually i just laze while being splayed across the bed like nobody's business ryte...ha..today..no such thing...i mean i TRIED to be splayed across la..but 9.40 was the farthest I got..

Heheh...

But ah..i tell u one thing la...

I was...and still am, as of this moment, being reminded of the reasons why I tend to stay in bed for long hours..(long okeh...think 3 or 4 PM...ha..terkezut no...)

For one thing, I don't really have anything to do...to occupy my day...that might sound like a lame excuse...considering that I do have a brain..and I can come up with something to do la right...but how long can I thump my fingers on the piano la..poor thing, because of the relentless playing, it badly and urgently needs tuning now..

And getting that tuning done ain't easy k...have to lobby for budget in this household..monay's there...folks aren't just too interested to spend it on a musical instrument...

Joy....

So..without the tuning..i takut tersgt2...to even tekan one damn key la..lolz..it pingssss...like...*PING!*...But ok la..not bad...

Anyways..when I get bored with piano...there's the telly..but really...

Sleeping nicer laaa...seriously..i really am in the fainted pig zone...it works wonders on reducing stress levels...

Coming back to the reason as to why the habit should be brought back from the dead~~

NAGGING...lemme tell u one fact about yours truly la ar...

Hair..is a very sensitive subject...chances of my spewing swear words directly from my skull, without any damn filters go HIGH on the radar when you touch the subject...the wrong way.

OF course, there are ways of approaching the matter...pandai2 la susun ur words..try covering your message with some "constructive criticism", "suggestions"..or some shit like that, without any intention of stopping the flow FAST...ha..that's when you know the sarcasm galore has kicked off.. heading straight for your sorry ass..

It's not that I'm going to make fun of your hair or launch personal attacks etc.. it's just that..you don't want to be anywhere near yours truly when she's in a bad mood..the things I say (or throw) maeeeen....I'm just not a huge fan of being in a bad mood in the first place..so lagi la i don't want to be caught playing the act la kan...ha..

Cakap whatever u want about hair...but...please do try to refrain from sticking to dat one darn topic...standing there with the look on your face that kinda shows what you're thinking, "is she gonna say yes????? (to the haircut)"..it's just hair la for god's sake...say it..and freaking move on la ar...

So there u have it..this morning..SUNDAY morning noe..I was NAGGED at about my hair...imagine la..how demotivating....for someone who rarely sees the world up and about...haih...=.='

Hmm...

2010-07-31T22:50:00.003+08:00

Hey y'all... :)

It's been...about 10 days..since yours truly came back home safely...from the 2ND ASEAN Schools Games held in KL..

A 9-day stint as a reporter...

Hmm....

Taught me a lot..I don't think I'll say much la ar...

It was fun..

First few days was hell, to be sure. And then I started enjoying it...Made lots of new friends..from IPG Raja Melewar :) :) People I'll never forget...Great company.

Writing....

Something that has always been a passion of mine..I guess just being able to write, being given an assignment...of interviewing athletes from ASEAN countries (some barely able to converse in simple English...) was enough. That was what gave me most joy throughout the whole experience..

Hmm...some things...I'm just gonna keep a secret. I observe a lot, right?...In the stint, I observed lots of different types of characters...outside my comfort zone. Life gives u ample space to avoid people whom u perpetually take a dislike to. Sometimes, it just ain't that kind to grant u that privilege....lolz..I was put into situations like that...and along the way, I learnt how to deal with these interesting people....hmm.

And also..the way people generally react to a compliment..accomplishment...well..i have one thing to say..being humble is usually the more noble way to go...but unfortunately, that often isn't the case....many aren't able to do it..

Um-hmm...unable. It really comes down to whether you are ABLE to remain humble...

That's about it la..

This post rather lacks the usual enthusiasm that yours truly usually possesses as she writes...There's a pretty good reason for that...

Will update y'all soon....

Probably...

Dududu...

2010-07-08T17:33:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all :D

Just thought a new entry was due...cos i dah jemu tgk the last entry O.o

Yours truly has finally decided to continue reading A New Earth. Yesh...after almost a year since I bought it.

Aaaand...yesterday morning..i got a call from the Teacher Education Division (BPG) that I have to report at IPG-KBA..dear ol' college for the upcoming 2nd ASEAN School Games..."yippeee"

=__=

It's k banu..new experience...blearghhhh....

Banu da GREAT's take on relationships and dreams (latest)

2010-06-26T17:35:00.004+08:00

Your's truly isn't feeling very well..sorethroat and abit of a flu hovering close. Fever has been successfully murdered, thankfully..Always on the lookout for a resurrection.

With the sore throat, I haven't been able to talk as much...thoughts have conquered all the space.

The thoughts that have been visiting me for the past few days:

Mostly about every lover's usual woes. Crazy stuff.

Looks like in most relationships, people tend to confuse their dreams and their partner's. If you look at it closely (and practically), there are two types of dreams or life goals. One category is filled with YOUR personal dreams, the other, you and your partner's combined. Very few couples are lucky enough to combine those dreams and take the middle path..to look at their partner's dream as their own and pursue it with the same fervour they would grant their personal goals.

Dissatisfaction arises...usually resting in the sidelines. Resentment builds without you realising. And once the relationship looks like it's about to be doomed, it gleefully takes complete control.

Here's a fact. You don't stop living as a single entity (of a person) once you get into a relationship. Sounds silly if you were to say...there's no me without him/her. As romantic and selfless (nature of being in love) as that may sound like, it just isn't the case really, is it. Your "dreams" are an analogy of your existence. Something seemingly solid that defines purpose for you to exist. Some sort of trajectory in life. Don't lose that footing. You and your dreams keep you sane..trust me..lolz..cos in a relationship, I see that most of the time people are caught up in this illusion that since they co-exist as ONE with their partners, all negative feelings do not deserve a place. Not true. Negative feelings remind you of how lucky you were before and what you are capable of should you get past those feelings. (being positive all the time defeats the very definition of "positive" la anyways..). Anyhow, the idea here is that whatever personal woes you might be experiencing, it is YOURS to solve. Try your best not to bring your partner into it. He or she should help you, yes...but not take any blame.

One conclusion to all of the above....(i figured i should stop here..or i'll just give you a scary glimpse of my convoluted mind =D)

Perfect yourself (perfection = your own custom-made definition) to all those singletons out there. You'll experience better peace in relationships. For those already in blissful (or otherwise) relationships, identify your priorities in life and keep that apart from your relationship.

Should help..

Wat in the eff...

2010-06-19T16:11:00.002+08:00

Hey all :)

Been writing on the other blog. The one that I pronounced defunct and dead months ago.

And now, back here. I have no idea why I'm writing, really.

Mentally compartmentalizing what to reveal and what not to reveal.

Yours truly has been having weird dreams these past few nights.

The ones I remember

My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease and the doctors couldn't really tell when she would..you know..go. O.o And I had all this love inside me bursting through. I don't remember any regret. But that dream..dang...i was so glad when I woke up.

I was in a hotel room, on vacation with this girl I had a misunderstanding some time ago (which never really got sorted out) and we were doing heart-to-heart. lol..wth man. I wouldn't mind this happening for real, ya know. Hmm..and then I went and woke up..and poof. The feeling just went out the window. The relief. Ghosts from the past. It continues outwitting you for as long as it damn well pleases, no?

And then this morning, lolz..well, okay, shouldn't really snigger about this one. It was about my ENTIRE family. Mum, Dad, Mama, Chitti, Paati, Taata even. Everyone was in it. We were on a trip to this underwater world. It was a bit shitty la. Like it had those spiralling underground car park setting to it. And when you walked a little further, it had those toilet settings that only rest areas along the highways have. Pink doors (the ladies one la), insanely huge and you get the feeling that you're in the Harry Potter maze. And then you go deeper, and I found myself in this swamp like area. Like, wtf right? I think I was swearing in the dream as well. From what I remember, I was just standing there, with my Mama and a crocodile came slithering out of nowhere and then everyone panicked. The creepy part of it was that no one noticed the crocs slipping in. Not immediately. The creepy REVELATION that there were crocs around..ha, that was scary. And them crocs just started bringing my family down man..like it snaked and crushed them and blahhh.....it was insane. the whole dream..nightmare actually. I only remember seeing my grandmother, mum, dad and one mama alive in the end.

Stupid, right.

My BTN experience...2

2010-06-09T13:35:00.003+08:00

Come day 3...i was pretty much one of the walking dead. Waking up in the morning became harder than ever.

ULU SEPRI DAY 3 2ND JUNE 2010 7.32 AM

Almost too exhausted/just tire/sleepy/scared shit to write. LDK is about to start. Rearranging ourselves in the hall for a short briefing before it starts. I'm actually very freaked i think. LDK accounts for 60% of the whole BTN score. 40% is on Friday and all elements including the even scarier KEMBARA..is COMPULSORY =.='

7.59 PM

OK. Feeling quite hyped up currently - it's already Wednesday NIGHT. mwuhahahah. lol Did a Physiology Test today. I'm medically/biologically/physiologically 50+ years old. (wtf ryte) Lolz..maybe i have to start exercising la..takut die early ke ape ke. K, Moral now.

Problem with the video. That's right man..i am fucking 50 years old with a 20-year-old mind..this ain't no middle-age crisis shit man..lol brb

9.00AM

Moral just ended. We watched this incredible never-before-seen (it's protected in the national film archives..fulemakatak) video on how Tunku Abdul Rahman and other delegates that made up the independence convoy to London back in 1956 (somewhere around dat time) went about negotiations pending independence..was very touched. I felt pride just booming through man. :D Meremang bulu roma aku.

I.AM.SO.SLEEPY i swear. I'd probably go to sleep..doze off la..by 9-something =.='

ULU SEPRI DAY 4 3RD JUNE 2010 6.16 AM

Oh lord. lolz..it's the second last day in camp. I ought to be in freaking euphoria. Yeah..maybe I am and I don't know it..becos...FUCKING SLEEPY okayy... =.=' Like the girl's blog I read before coming here, the Moral facilitator could let us sleep in on this last day (for moral) but..no point la. Oredy 6.15 AM. Body sakit-sakit and to think of the Kembara this evening. sHIT. I hope my limbs serve me well. You realise, I didn't write last night.

12.26 PM Looking over the river LOL

Feels like I last wrote long long ago man. I hadta rethink if I had to write the date, if it was a new day already. Sigh. Anyways, I'm here lepaking now with the rest of my group and another group because the checkpoints are full. There are 4 checkpoints where you listen and take notes on clauses in the Federal Constitution. Very informative. I wonder why they never taught us this back in high school O.o

Still a little apprehensive about the jungle trek aka KEMBARA later. I've one extra reason to be so now - righ..left shoe's sole;s almost worn out. It's peeking a little on the inner right side now. Hope it'll survive the trek. You see (how) disorientated I am? Lol..can't tell right from left..literally.

We gotta finish this whole checkpoint this by 1 PM..DUH la cannot. By the way, earlier on, at our first checkpoint, we were granted with a special do-it-yourself facial routine - COAL WATER. not COLD k..coal as in ARANG. =.=' i SWEAR..after moisturising, we immediately had to apply a facial mask that comprised of TEPUNG GANDUM which had sweets, HACKS in it...had to bend down, and pick the sweets from the mixture with your mouth..my face had this really cun mask..white mask. Skin felt really smooth afterwards.

(I didn't write that night again, because our final - muahahaha- LDK ended about 2 AM and I obviously had to save every minute for sleep...cos the next day we were having the test. We did this activity where everyone needed to work together, while observing a deaf and dumb rule to make up the Malaysian flag with the given materials..red and white stripes..scissors..blabla..we weren't allowed to walk even. After that "inspiring" activity where we were sort of provoked to the max to dig in into our patriotism (???), we watched this video on how a daughter and son forget their mum when they are all grown up and each one is a doctor and the other some hebat profession la..can't remember. Their mum does not even dare call them up, fearing she might be disturbing them. Haiz..was kinda sad. And finally, when she falls sick, she tells them all about the years when she was left all alone in the kampung, in the house which was once filled with love and laughter from her two children..in a letter. She dies alone, too i think. Imagine the regret. It was to actually show us that we ought to rememeber our loved ones, the ones who brought us up and nurtured us with values and love all along...

So after that, we were put to a task of letter-writing..to our parents. This was a profound experience. Everyone was crying dude..i swear..moved to tears by the earlier video..and then to think that they might be facing the same thing soon. We're all gonna be gone for 3 freaking years..leaving our families, PARENTS behind. It's difficult to think of what could happen in those years. I didn't cry. Controlled the emotions. Also, probably because I never keep secrets from my parents..always been open to them, and my college being so close to home, I've been back every weekend..so, never been apart basically. Gonna be hard being away all the way in UK..lolz..We stuck the stamps on the envelopes that were provided, sealed them..and we probably should expect the letters to arrive to its recipients after we fly to UK come September :D )

ULU SEPRI DAY 5 4TH JUNE FINAL DAY (VICTORY SHOUT)

7.56 AM

Exam's in a while. At 9 AM. Pushed forward 30 minutes. Hehe..I'm not sure how I feel right now. I'm convinced by Jessica's, Sharan's and others' accounts who've been to BTN that's it's super easy, super kacang la katakan. Jess even swore at the easiness of it (easiness???). Hmm..writing in the dining hall as I wait for some group members to finish their breakfast. Real good food; nasi gorent and hard-boiled egg. Doesn't sound much..but I'm excited still...lolz. It's raining. Heavy, quite. Nice. To do exam la..sejuk-sejuk. It's like as if the camp's skies are tearing our departure...crap la. We still have minum pagi and lunch :) :) I'm not really keen to write about yesterday..as in last night. Evening, well, the jungle trekkin' went well. No water treatment from the teh tarik river all..all just very steep hills..going up and downhill. Couldn't have done it without Ruff's and JiaNi's and the others' help :D OK, shall continue after the test. As you can see, I'm not really bothered. *wink*

1.05 PM IN DA BUS!!!

That's rrrright! I'm going backkkk..mwuhahahaha...and yeah, exam was okay. The test, I mean. Some of my friends got some help from the facis...(lol..could almost spell that as fascists man..)I didn't get any...but well..there were only about 10, i'd say, factual question, so it wasn't that hard overall =) Leaving now, I think. Bus moved a little...feeling kinda nostalgic.Haha..just a littleI don't think I can stand another day in Ulu Sepri. It's not the people or the place. It's the routine that's quite nerve-wrecking. Waking up early really made the days seem extra long. Anyways, I...and YES!! (dat sound almost orgasmic now LOL) The bus is MOVING BABYY!! MWUHAHAHAHA....DIGI will be revived soon...back from the dead. Double louder laughter..hehe..There are some who are not feeling that well, fever flu and all..so cannot really rejoice as loud. OK, gonna savour the departure =) SEE YA! :D

Anddd....that was it la :) hope my account (though nonsensical) helps those who are about to experience BTN themselves..all the very best! When things seem like they couldn't get any worse, always remember that you'll be fed six freaking times a day aite? :D :D AWESOME... \m/

My BTN experience...

2010-06-08T13:29:00.002+08:00

Haha..i set out wanting to write a day-to-day account of my Biro Tata Negara (BTN) experience but I'm sangat da very malas i swear =.='..

Probably because I wrote it all in my journal..and sort of will be doing copy and paste the whole time. Sigh..never da mind.

ULU SEPRI DAY 1 31ST MAY 2010

We reached camp at 2 PM, registered and got into the dorms.. Throughout the journey here, I was sort of numb. Just kept telling myself that the week has to end somehow so just chill it. The moment everyone got into the bus, they were at Lalaland at once. I swear. lolz..Sam sat beside me and neither one of us slept a wink. I mean it's a freakin hour to Negri Sembilan so yeah..lolz

As the bus was snaking towards the camp, literally snaking..cos jalannyer bengkang bengkok..berliku giler..Daniel said "ooo..we're going into the jungle..see there at the front? JUNGLE"

I knew la..coverage all gone for sure..lolz..and true enough, Digi died slowly :( But Celcom..ha, that is one whole different story. The fella survived man. komplot komunikasi ape nth..lol

Anyways, the camp, on first impression, was not bad at all...As soon as we registered, we were allowed to settle down into our dorms..I got the last dorm, in KEM B. KEM A had IPG Kampus Ipoh, Kampus Gaya and Kampus Kota Bahru I think. Not sure if the KB kids made it.

Kampus Darul Aman and Kampus Bahasa Antarabangsa, where your worthy GREAT blogger hails from made up 104 participants in KEM A :D

Our beds were double-deckered. I chose the bottom bunk, Sam was on top and Yuges was on the bottom bunk beside me.

Had my first shower at 3 PM..heheh..Bathrooms were good man..lots of cubicles. The sinks had no water coming out of the taps though but the toilets had, so that was covered.

We had our tea back in the place we registered..yumms..you know why YUM? cos my first cup of coffee~ haha..i was already liking the place man.

Then, it was back to the hall for taklimat kursus, our head facilitator was one Mr Ahmad Shah bin Pakeer Muhammad. Chun ah the name :p Orangnyer pun chun. Very da professional looking. He's 26 i think and he was already heading the whole camp. Impressive. I remember thinking he was hot. But unfortunately, my bubble burst instantaneously, that's right no time for reaction all when he said, "unavailable". Not that I asked la ar..he revealed it himself lol

Then there was a taklimat from the Ketua Jurulatih - Pak Yusop - nice guy. Ex-army dowh..ha.

The first speaker for the Pembentangan Kertas Kerja 1 walked in about 9.25 PM. It was fun. It was just a ceramah basically...I don't remember his name, but he looked wise and very enthusiastic about his speech. And he succeeded in keeping us awake. Meremang my bulu roma okeh..listening to it.

I was late for the Moral slot before the ceramah.lol first day and I created history.

Ha, just opened my journal. All of the above were derived from short transcripts that I jotted down in the Buku Catatan that came along with the folder given to us during the registration. Ok journal..let's see..hmm

Says here that..

I was back in my dorm by 11.57 PM

"Anyways, back from my first pembentangan as in ceramah..it was okay. Was about Tanah Air by En Syed. there was more to his name, but can't remember. Things are okay so far. Sort of anticipated this actually. Just apprehensive about the KEMBARA thing on Thursday. Hmm, Flying Fox's on Wednesday, i think. I won't think. I'll just do it. Yeah, that should work. OK. Will stop here for no. Will try to get some sleep. Till tomorrow :)"

DAY 2 1ST JUNE 2010

6.10 AM

Here we are..back in dewan A for Moral. Got up at 4.40 AM today. Had a shower. Just imagine how cold la ar. I was even aware sleepppy like hell.

8.40 AM

Moral was about 1Malaysia. We have to present it, INDIVIDUALLY (shit) tonight, after dinner at 7.50 AM. The guy actually gave us the time. In the hall yet again right now. We had kawad at 7 AM sharp =.=' A short one. Sleepy like hell. Hungry la actually. We had our breakfast soon enough; one hard-boiled egg each, fried rice and *drumroll* cofffeee!!! heheh..Not as good as how yours truly usually makes..but well..coffee is coffee nevertheless :) Back to the dorm to change into formal attire and back here for our Pembentangan Kertas Kerja 2 by Encik Zamri. Brb.

9.15 AM

OH.MY.LORD I swear i am sleep (yes, that's how i spelt it). I listened to only the first two slides. TWO SLIDES..and I've been sleeping since. Die la wei. Those stuff that I missed, better not come out for the test on Friday. He is giving us facts, NUMBERS..no wonder the slumber. =.='

10.55 AM

Just had our morning break/tea. They feed us alot eh? =D

Dr Azita (yeshh! from IPBA dowh..) is here for the next talk.

2.25 PM

Waiting for our Pembentangan Kertas Kerja 4. Dr Azita gave the 3rd one. I'm not at all rejoicing kay....this.is.safe. Tomorrow, our LDK starts and continues for 6 whole hours. The next day as well. The ceramah from this morning was well..sort of torturous until I think I was hallucinating at one point. I swear. I know cos I said, "Maybe courses like this must do physical activities, if not wasted/boring" One of those la. Anyways, I hereby retract all that I've said okeh. About actually advocating for physical activities (!) Crayzee shit man. lol

I shall savour this last slot. Oh, before I end, the food. Awesome...lots of protein :) Fish AND chicken, dude. It's flying fox tomoro..shooooot =.='

11.30 PM

Ha-ha. Flying fox isn't tomoro - it was TODAY. LOL...was quite fun really. We did it during Riadah at 5.20 PM. Just told myself not to take any time to feel scared and I sort of just went ahead and did it. Just as I had planned =). Was over before I knew it..Wouldn't mind doing it again *wink*

Had another huge generous meal. a bath with a hairwash and then it was off to Moral. We spoke more about our respective home states bla bla bla..and the ice-breaking. This was fun. Learnt some interactive stuff..the usual type: tepuk semangat..lol..songs etc. etc. and the then group division took place for the LDKs which start tomoro. I'm in Group 3, with Syap, Jiani, Syafic, Zalilah and Ruff. And a few IPDA students of da course; Thurairaja, Aizatul Nazihah, Nur Sanak, Syarifah Nazwin and Hayat..heheh. Not bad eh, aku ingat!..haha..alright. Moral's at 6.10 AM tomoro. Gotta wake up at 4.45 AM just like this morning ^^ (i actually smiled for this)

Shall continue about Day 3 tomoro, peeps ;) effing 2.43 AM ady nw...till then ^^

Dangg....

2010-05-28T12:21:00.003+08:00

Feeling flustered as I write this =.='

Just a few thoughts:

I hate shopping. This fact about me has been reinforced for the past few days by the thoughts of BTN springing up INCESSANTLY each time I think of just laying back and relaxing.

I should not be going into the "relax" mode yet. It must be AFTER BTN.

Started writing in my new journal yesterday. The most expensive one by far. Hmm, price really matters as the pleasure of writing has increased tremendously.

Or...it's just that the pleasure is due to recent developments. I even tried looking up the meaning of "journal" and "diary" so that the expensive journal doesn't end up being a diary. But who's gonna check, you tell me. So yah..lantakla..

Forms. Forms..FORMS..this is another thing i hate. I know, hatred is bad. But sometimes, you just can't help it okeh...when your name, ic no, passport no, address blabla..is asked for again and again..and the bloody idiotic feeling you get when you have to depend on all these higher-ups for endorsements..and the reality of more coming in the future, AFTER UK..during UK...whole life la...oh man..

Is there a rule that one cannot feel sorry for oneself ah? Like even my writing that last sentence. Seems whiny? So what if it does...it bothers me more than it should bother any of you reading this.

And that is why this is such a horrible week.

HELLOH! HUGEST grin you have ever seen

2010-05-25T00:32:00.003+08:00

Lolz..hey y'all :D

Back after a long hiatus..cheh..macam FAMOUS de bamous author..I'm going to be one in the future, so wth.. ;)

Go soft on the "she's perasan-ted" gaze k..-__-

So yesh..EXAMS ARE OVER! MUAHAHAAH!!!! dat's like a reallllly LOUD laugh okeh. I swear la, never been happier and stressless..

My blog editor tells me that there's no such word, but well, sounds cooler than..the other word variation that has the same meaning.

Yes. I'm not going to use that other word. =.='

Let's see...what can I update you, my worthy followers with...hey, did y'all hear about Brittany Murphy's hubby? The poor guy passed away...of natural causes. Heartbreak, most probably..hmm :(

Death is liberating to some.

Some plans on my impending vay-kay baby...heheh sniggering like hell as i write man..

DEVOTE myself to the mountain-sized amount of books I've managed to collect, borrow..blabla..while trying at the same time whether to go to college every 2 weeks to return the books or...well..just cheat em..O.o no Banu. very da bad. don't do that. *eyes dart left to right left to right*

DEVOTE myself to music. I shall play and play and playyyy away..lol. Neglected music for way too long. Chopin valses are the challenge now..as well as Czerny's finger exercises. You know, despite my being at home, I still can't find total peace and ease at playing at my own time and pleasure. Probably cos I sleep like a fainted pig till 2 PM every day since I came back on Friday. I wake up early u noe...I just like laying there..on the bed..lazing away till the heat in the room gets unbearable and I get disgusted with myself for closing my eyes "for a little while more"..

After all the devotion.....

Get the bike fixed. Exercise is well ahead of being just "long-due". It's urgently and immediately-due. High metabolism levels does not grant me an escape from cholesterol.

Go for BTN and then fill up the endless flow of forms..it's okeh! Think UK, and everything gets bearable..heheheh =)

Make myself useful around the house. BLEARRGH... =.='

That's about it la. Bullets have a way of putting pressure on you to think of more things to do. Which isn't a very pleasant thing considering that it is a holiday...and when I fully intend to waste the days doing nothing but relaxing...But well, conscience would catch up duly...so, I'm going to beat Mr/Mrs Conscience to it. Is it possible to have a Mr Conscious when you're a girl ah? O.o

One thing before I come back..

2010-05-13T02:52:00.002+08:00

I've got one thing to say.

No matter how a relationship ends, be it between friends or lovers, the good times are never frowned upon.

Forever cherished.

Durrr....

2010-05-02T11:34:00.001+08:00

It's a Sunday..Banu DA Great is actually up at this hour..before noon. hee :)

La..exams are approaching..so, terpakse la...

I won't be blogging for a while maybe...not that I have that frequently la, but I've been rackin my brain for an idea for the past few days, of what to blog about..

The ideas are there...but don't seem to get penned down, ya noe? Dono la..brain drain maybe. Sigh.

My worthy followers..i'll be back soon wokai..Gonna be talking about capital punishment :)

*Cheers*

Wat da..

2010-04-22T01:38:00.002+08:00

I have no idea why this post would appeal to you.

I swear..

.........

Banu Da Great loves to read. Right. So what is she reading now?

>>THE ODE LESS TRAVELLED...by Stephen Fry...it has this epigraph, on the cover: UNLOCKING THE POET WITHIN *dramatic tone*

"oooooo"

-_-

Lolz..i love composing poems...so, figured I'd do it the right way...so far, it's goin good..

(W.T.H)- the fullstops give it the right metre (proves I'm actually READING the book k..)

(go check out what metre means when it comes to poetry)

Missing you...

2010-04-14T00:56:00.003+08:00

It's the Tamil New Year!..Hehe...

To all Tamil followers and all those yang dlm spirit 1Malaysia, inilah chance u utk bersama2 meraikannyer..happy new year y'all.. ;)

I can't really celebrate really..still grieving for me grandpa..hmm :(

But it's wokai man..de celebratory spirit's there.

I feel proud of my tata really; lived a long and prosperous life. That's the true definition success in my opinion :) May you rest in peace, tata..I miss you..so much. Love you..

Btw peeps..banudagreat also received a wonderful "present" for the occasion. Can't really say what it is here...but well, she's flattered :)

How?

2010-04-10T18:55:00.003+08:00

I'd like to help this person, Q, ryt now..but I have never been more tongue-tied.

I swear.

It would mean something else to Q than it would to me.

Or it could be the same thing..

Damn..wat the...

Just asking, "Are you ok?" never seemed harder...o man..

Most people would identify with this...

2010-03-12T15:36:00.004+08:00

Should I bullet my points ar...hmm..ke, tulis je..O.o

Where : SMJK Katholik PJ's heavenly AFTERNOON SESSION staff room..note the block letters -_-

When: 12th March 2010, LAST DAY of SBE (muahahaah)

Why: COS I'M BORED

I swear man..lol..just finished relieving my last class..hmm, i might actually miss this skool..

Anyways, 'Most people would identify with this'....I just felt like writing about this because if I don't, there ain't any other way I can let my thoughts be known..

There's a fine line between keeping mum and not reacting to something said or done or heard..any stimulus la katakan..

The reaction is always there...even being numb is an reaction O.o

Thing is, at times, when there is no visible retaliation to stimulus, people tend to assume that the person isn't affected or hadn't heard.

Not true.

It happens to me all the time...lemme giv u that..lolz...

Like this person right now. Let's call this person X.

The very act of me blogging about it (FINALLY is the word that probably has popped into X's head), would mean a reaction to X. X's job is half done. I can guarantee that. Hmm *i-am-pleased-with-myself-grin*

Heheh...

You see, I am very forgiving by nature. Reason being, I dislike holding grudges. Dislike is not even the right word. It's more like how unimportant grudges seem to be. Grudges play the most insignificant part in Banu DA GREAT'S life. Seriously. And thus, the tidak-apa attitude.

And this attitude almost always leads to a forgiving nature. Let me see if I have explained that right...hmm...*rewind*

You get it la ar. If you don't, talk to me..facebook's there..twitter messaging's there..email's there..bla bla..ha, cam tu la..

Given this nature, do not be lulled into a false sense of security that I am to be treated in whichever way one pleases, without having to feel guilty about it, either at that particular moment or long afterwards. Hmm.

As you would most probably know, I am very da sarcastic. lolz..that's just the way I am. Almost any antic amuses me...and I seldom get irritated unless you feel repetition of the irritable act on your part is absolutely necessary. O.o Word of the day dedicated especially to X: REPETITION. Ahem.

Smirking is more like my style...hmm.

I believe that betrayal of trust and friendship is forgivable if the friendship is worth saving. And this privilege, I feel, is ought to be given only to the person who is betrayed. Cos the other dude, who did the betraying shit in the first place, DUH la will try to put across any reason at all to stress that the friendship is INDEED, without DOUBT is worth saving, cos he/she NEEDS the person...puh-leese la...how selfish can you get...lolz

Again that "LOLZ"..ha, wat did i say about being amused, again? :p ha...now u know...

Reeling from that thought, I am not completely intolerant and unforgiving of betrayal/dishonesty. God knows how tempted u were la kan...so yeah, no big ;)

But you see, this kind of attitude and behaviour can take its toll on anyone...kalo asyik forgive forgive forgive, bodo la labelnye...O.o

After all, i DO have my own interests to nurture and protect, don't i?

And ar, one point to note, the moment individual and personal interests come into the picture, the moment it occurs in one's thought, the selfless nature of being in a friendship with a person is destroyed. =)

No matter how the despicable (talk abt vocab dude) acts are justified, I am almost helplessly deaf to them.

I almost spelt deaf as dead. Both words are applicable here, I think. Hmm.

Seriously. Helpless PLUS PLUS.

So, there you have it. The gist of this post is that, well...*clears throat* Banu DA GREAT is forgiving. But she never forgets. At times, even the former doesn't apply. She doesn't even CONSIDER THINKING about forgiving the individual. Like I said, HELPLESSLY deaf/dead to apologies.

Good day =D

I am saying things...O.o

2010-02-18T14:02:00.002+08:00

An entry doesn't really need to be about ONE single topic ryte...so ok..basically this is gonna be one my blabber moments..

I was looking through my MSN contacts..and I came to realise something about my personality...my ever volatile...pay attention to the word..da V word..personality..O.o

Everyone goes through it. You're different at different points of life..you're one person this moment, and another the next.

Feels like I've been caught up in this way of life - life in IPBA..too much, till I'm not readily aware of who I used to be, back in say....'07? '06? That's crap la..cos dat's like wat? 4 years ago?

And I'm harbouring at the edge, ryte..of me twenties...I'm bound to change now and then..JUST an observation..not whining or complaining or anything...

Come to think of it, I'm never gonna be done wondering and pondering and..well..blabbering..

I don't think my journals help much...because journals can be really brutally honest mirrors..lookie adjectives..lolz (ke adverbs? O.o) >>>> LDS! godai..

Which explains why I wasn't really..i dono...painstakingly honest when I wrote them..A lil bit of it here and there...

Perhaps I was in dire need of drama...there, hw many people (note dat I'm not using any gender references here ahem) would readily admit that..lolz..

Sigh...

RIGHT now, diligence is my enemy...well, I don't take it as my enemy..i'm like..practically begging it to come visit..but it ain't doing anything of that sort -_-

And i need to hand dis effin assignment in 3 fucking days..

Joy.

-_-

........

2010-02-06T22:03:00.001+08:00

What the heck to update my blog with.....

-_-

Any idea...

2010-01-20T18:08:00.002+08:00

Change of character...

Any idea what that could do to you?

When your outlook on life changes...and sometimes, it's forever. You almost never revert back to your old ways..

You see the world through different lenses..

You suddenly feel like everything is not what they seemed to be...

Reasons could be: priorities..dreams...circumstances..or in a really odd way, an epiphany (?) lolz..

Fear comes along with this change..Fear of losing your friends, fear of making the wrong impressions...

Fear of failure...

A dreaded risk.

Is it for the good or bad...only the person to which the change has happened to can decide that. Hmm.

It can really suck big time when your brain is spread into 2 schools of thought -_-

mONday da BON-DAY...

2010-01-16T18:21:00.003+08:00

Lolz..semakin menjadi2 ryte my entry titles..heheh

Dang..jittery bittery mittery...

Choir auditions are going to be held coming Monday and Banu DA GREAT is sangat da very nervous!

o.O

Hoping for a big turn-out..and hopefully no annoying last minute appointments get in da way..like last Thursday..AHEM..-_-

Anyways..peeps :) do come ya~~

~Ain't No Mountain High Enough...Aint No Valley Low Enough...Ain't No River Wide Enough....to keep me from youuuu..~~

=D

2010

2010-01-01T12:38:00.002+08:00

Saw this New Year greetings from Petronas in the paper this morning..wanta share it with all me worthy followers~~~ (those who haven't already read it la ar)..

It was a simple ad la..nothing fancy. Void of any colour except black (fr de writing, duh)..with the Petronas logo on the bottom left (so dat makes any colour except black AND green)

Simpler stuff always bring more meaning...hmm. Came in the form of a New Year message this time :)

Here it is...*drum roll*

*Dramatic tone*

Some people hate
Some people love

Some people are procrastinators
Some people act now

Some people love to point fingers
Some poeple love to extend their hands

Some people question every answer
Some people have an answer to every question

Some people hate to lose an argument
Some people love to win hearts

Some people want a change
Some people want to be the change

Some people are blind except to their own colour
Some people are colour blind
(imagine slipping dat into a speech..sure to make the audience think)

Some people are proud to belong to their race
Some people take pride in belonging to the human race

And the wonderful person who put these thoughts into words ended it beautifully...

This New Year, it is not about who is perfect and who is not. It is about sharing One Legacy, One Destiny, 1Malaysia. Because to build a great nation we must all learn to see the perfections in the imperfections.

I remember thinking if this was one of Yasmin Ahmad's last works...but oh well, like one friend pointed out: "there could be another genius out there who might be a lil overshadowed with Yasmin's brilliance. Now it's that person's time to shine"

Wonderfully and most thoughtfully put, Shogi :)

Ar, and thanks ah, for letting me quote u..(not that i asked u in da first place..O.o..heheh)

Back to the greetings..

I liked the ending..seeing perfections in imperfections...goes really deep..

This greeting basically put all the thinking i did during this past WEIRD holidays onto paper...things that for god-knows-what reason i did not jot down in my journal..arrrgh..seriously gotta pledge to write faithfully without fail la..ish

Hmm.

I sorta feel quite pressured to say this: the pen is definitely mightier than the sword..the wonderful things dat a pen can do, appeals to the soul...while all the sword can do is appeal to dangerous things a man is capable of that the pen is able to stop. Haha..am i making any sense ah..haiz..if u understand good la, if u dont..talk to me~ i might be able to help u understand the mechanics of my complicated mind :p

Happy New Year, eberibadi =)

p/s: Greetings were from The Star..(ah go cari de paper now..flick flick)

2009-12-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

Trust the internet to keep u awake la.

It's like evil-kenievil SI DEVIL DA BEVIL himself is whisperin into ur (left) ear to go open da laptop, switch on da wifi and BAM! ur eyes go O.o as u explore the various elements dat the internet has to offer in order for u to automatically contract insomnia -_-

Ah..left ear cos the right ear is occupied by the halo-infested beings called angels....aka INSTINCTS..aku main hula hoop ngan halo tu kang~ ha.

Cranky much?

Sigh...

Seriously considering going ballistic towards this dude...who flatters himself that I'm crushing hard on him....

Now should I use MY BLOG to do that? Hmm...

Defense baby!! de---fense!!

2009-12-21T12:05:00.002+08:00

Should I or should I not?

Should I?

Or...shoudinot?

Ok Maybe I should..lolz

I was just browsing through profiles..random ones, in FaCebook, and well..I noticed this about most "About Me" sections..they're all on super defense mode dude..i swear

Lolz...

Like..."I'm not this..."...."I'm not that..."...."I DON'T care if you think i'm this.."...."...You can stick your *toootttt* up your *toooooot* if u think so"...oh oh, and the most-used (or abused) phrase (or clause, i dono la ar..LDS!!)>>>"i hate liars and backstabbers"..O.o

I had a good laugh la..trust facebook to make your day better by putting a lil smile on your face as you read this wonderful amusements. Sigh~ *twinkle in da eye*

I set out to really comment abis2 about the subject...but sigh~ my morals have been taking quite a steady hold of my actions lately.... O.o now, is dat good...or bad...

Hmm....

2009-12-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

Close friend material....not "best" friend...

Sari da Bari!

2009-12-13T13:36:00.003+08:00

Haha..went to me cousin sister's wedding dinner yesterday evening...

Highlight of the evening was me cousin sister and her hubby..but in my world, it was I, as always..

Heheh..kidding..in my head, the attention was divided la..

It was my first time in a bloody sari..first time in public, that is. Wore my mum's favourite colour..purple, which kinda suits my taste as well :)

I tell you..mums are just guhh-r8 la..de way she tied de sari..fuh..cepat giler like zoop zoop zoop! ahaha...haiz..i love u ma. Not for the speed la..that too, but more because she really thinks about what I want and like and gives me only the best :) That's why mums are waaaat? ha~~...guhh-r8.

Back to the dinner..

It was held by the pool..at the Lost World of Tambun..ha~~..The first thing that occurred to me great mind was, "dude..should've worn sneakers man.."

The canopies were actually erected on the sandy area..so macam walking on da beach la..romantic no? (if i was wearing sari cam ne? all grace gone..lolz)

But i think i handled it ok la..legs got used to it or maybe because i was just sitting at one place, our assigned table for the whole evening, playing and layaning me 5-year-old cousin, Shaarvena. Haiz dat lil cutie..bukan main seksi! i swear..lolz..times have really changed. To think of the times when I was a 5-year-old *faraway mirage playing in da eyes*

And then there were the toasts..Seriously, you ought to listen to all that ryte? Baru sopan, no..but i tell you..it's funny la actually what my uncle, cousin and bro who were sitting at the same table did. It's called dinner for a reason la ryte, but ah, there were no refreshments..like, before the dinner, ko bagi la something ryte..i don't mean to demand or wat la..i mean, i was totally fine, just enjoying the reflection of the lights on the pool, the kids' antics (it surprised me to know that i had so many LITTLE cousins. like..kids O.o who might make worthy underlings of banu DA GREAT someday. who knows..), great music; they were blasting MJ k..haha..chunted.

SO yea la, when MJ comes into the picture, all grouses are already compensated for :) That's for ME la..lolz..others got a lil restless..i don't blame them. It's their first time at a Christian wedding..and so the reception was also held in a different manner, with toasts and speeches which you don't really get that much of in Indian wedding receptions. You see, my cousin got married to a Christian and she was brought up as a Hindu and kebetulan, she mmg Indian la, so yea..thus the possible cause for all the restlessness. Sigh..still, the jokes they made was just heartwarming..(?)...at least it provided some entertainment la..haha..laffing da baffing..

Really missed Shoba though...

I tell you..Social Studies was a guest at the event aso la..ha~~haha, mainly cos I was observing most of the time la..

Our canopies were divided into 3...2 large ones, and one smaller one. I don't know if it was an intended layout or wat la but i kinda noticed that one canopy was for the bride's side and the other for the groom...

I don't know if that's the norm or was it clever (i suppose that's what they thought it was) planning on the bridegroom's side.

Sigh..anyways, one thing i DID know..one thing i DID notice was that..well, the ice wasn't broken. There was a certain formality in the air..People say that weddings bring people together, but I wasn't a witness to that happening yesterday..

Oh well..it really could be because the reception was held for the bridegroom...still...damned nagging feeling eh :p

Ah well..all that aside..I did have a great evening, i guess. Got to see my relatives..and most importantly,MY MUM got to see her sisters and brothers...was great to see her smile :)

Oh and not forgetting the highlight of the evening! haha..banu in a sari! it's really damn shitty sayang that I didnt take a pic la..I have reasons for that la..cos ah, one, I was rushing..the dinner was at IPOH..so hadta travel..and then, another thing..the tension was running REAL high yesterday...so yea..takkan la aku nk sibok2 ambik gambor..

There'll be other times..in fact..there's this thing coming up at the end of the month..hehe...

Banu DA GREAT shall blog about it...await the awe, peeps.

2009-11-23T08:52:00.002+08:00

23rd of November '09

Been a balleh balleh LONG time since i wrote no...hmm..

It's a freakin Monday..on a freakin holiday...man..u can actually write a song starting with dat..maybe i will

But anyways..before that..let's just lay out de plans I have come up with..for the hols..

Re-read and re-read (maybe re-read for de 4th time) To Kill A Mockingbird. Continued thereafter with Lord of The Flies...i'll read that twice maybe..hafal da bafal la kalo camtu..

Tutor neighbour's kid..i haven't got the faintest idea wat I'm gonna teach the poor kid..he's poor cos he's gonna be tutored by me..lolz..effin hell man...GOD, u gotta help me out here...i just hope i dont scare de kid..wonder when's he coming over...

Continued on the 28th of November '09

It's a Saturday :)

And tomoro's the big day!...girl's day out!

Gonna meet me gurlies after quite some time...yeays :)

ALright..quote for the day : Boredom breeds stupidity..actually, I'm not sure if I'm quoting that from anyone..o.O

Just came up with it..suddenly..

Was based on this conversation i had yesterday with this...um..person.

It was LAME lahh..i swear. hahah...sigh...Not sure if i should post the message thread here..ah well...

I'm X, He's Y

Y: Well, if Adam falls, Eve trails..

X: ah..i forgot who i was talkin to

il giv it my best shot: eve doesnt trail behind adam

hint:psst.. u ask me "why?"

Like..seriously, what's with the "hint"??? $%$###*&^*^%%#^#^$&&(&*(

That was me swearing at meself..so yea, in my world, being lame and stupid are two very similar conditions...the lame feeling creeps in first and then there's like dis siren blaring..."stupid.stupid.stupid."

Oh JOY.

Muahahah!

2009-10-24T22:49:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all :)

First, for the laugh...

MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!

That's for the redemption...

The last entry on my blog sounded so pathetic right..haha...well, I'm happy to say that I have since redeemed myself from all the awkwardness! YAY ME! heheh

Today's Banu DA GREAT'S bday btw...:)

Thanks to all those who wished and wished they had wished...

O.o

Crap la.

Am I really?

2009-10-08T13:48:00.002+08:00

Been a long long time since i wrote no..

A friend once commented that he noticed that I write only when I'm in negative mode. Not in those exact words la...but..meaning..when I'm upset..angry..sad...ha~ all that bodo feelings la..

So yea..my reply to that? Doesn't matter la ar..not relevant to what I'm about to write today..

Today, I'm not really angry, upset or sad, etc...just STAGNANT. No feelings. I'm feeling CALM, but can't explain why. Not that being calm needs any explanation..just that I've never been this calm and I've never questioned and not came to a conclusion about why I'm feeling as such.

I had this totally embarrassing experience with a senior in my college...about a month ago...don't know why, nothing clicked..I mean, I make an OK person to talk to la..but ah..when it came to him, conversation just didn't flow.

It was SO bloody embarrassing weh..I made stupid mistakes, lame remarks, the whole time we sms-ed, it was SO painfully awkward (even this word is la).

And then, there were the weird (again this word..must find synonym) bumping-into shit in the hallways. I swear la. I don't know WHAT the hell came over me..i just ignored him! like wth??? It was like he wasn't there. I ABSOLUTELY HATE treating people like that. I mean, i hate it when it people TREAT me like that. So duh la I won't subject another person to such a thing right.

You probably know why this affects me so much la...duh...i like the dude.

Was attracted..and so..wanted to know more about him la. Thus the mortifying attempts for that purpose la. Lol.

I'm glad I can do that. Laugh. At myself. Cos, if I didn't, the damage it will do to my self-esteem. HEH. Good god..but even then, I know I'll pick myself up. I'm getting pretty good at that.

There came a point that I just stopped trying to talk and chat him up. And I sort of decided not to beat myself up too much because of it or because of whatever that had already happened.

It didn't go well.

It didn't click

Right

So. OK. stop.

And when I did that, I kinda got the impression that he was perhaps not that keen because I was ...AHEM..a junior...a freakin 19-year-old junior..ha~ If that is, indeed the reason, well....shallow. Doesn't matter really. Cannot force a person into a friendship right....oh well~

And I also thought he was arrogant...

Now..I'm hearing that he's not...he's a friendly person...this is all according to a friend la ar.

And I'm going into that pit again. That I'm-not-good-enough pit. Sigh..

At the edge of it now..but nah...ain't gonna fall in..

Am just wondering, did i REALLY not perceive him correctly? Was I wrong?

I rarely read people wrongly...And I take my time to pass judgement, if any.

Hmm....

The Age of Stupid (Hottie). Joy.

2009-09-24T02:34:00.007+08:00

Yesterday. Was a weird day...

That's an understatement really...

AHEM. Banu DA GREAT had a quite a number of firsts yesterday:

First to be awake in the household...Didn't sleep actually..TRIED..like shyte...but couldn't...so after tossing about for like..2 hours? I got up...and thought..hey, let's do some reading...then I got online..which brings us to the next First...

First proper conversation with this senior...drum roll~~~SHOGI HAMANNOP...i don't think he's gonna hate me for putting up his name here *wink*..Quite a name, isn't it? It was a pretty worthwhile conversation..He said he was glad he woke up and got online; He got to chat with BANU DA GREAT. Not his exact words..but well..u get the drift. AHEM. I also had the privilege of not letting him study for an exam he was going to sit for, in the evening, unintentional privilege of course...I'm crapping, aren't I....anyways..YEA LA. it was a good conversation ok..too private to actually SAY here wat we spoke about...THIS was his exact word: "INSIGHTFUL". O.o

That's not really "quite a number of firsts"...It shall continue after the next few lines...

I had the privilege..ahem..of going to the global premiere of "The Age of Stupid"...sister's friend e-mailed her the invitation...and my sister forwarded an invitation to me...thanks, Shoba, really..I had a great time.except for this hottie who took a seat beside me..I shall talk about this fella, later. Hmm...

So yeah, what is this Age of Stupid thing...well...this is what the email said...

The Age of Stupid is the new documentary-drama-animation hybrid movie from Director Franny Armstrong(McLibel) and Producer John Battsek (One Day In September). Oscar-nominated Pete Postlethwaite (In the Name of the Father, The Usual Suspect, Brassed Off) stars as a man living in 2055, looking back at the present age we are in....and our inaction to do anything substantial to slow or stop climate change...

(I typed the whole thing out k!..daem...dono what's up with the copy paste thing)

That's just an excerpt of the mail..so yea, the movie is basically about climate change..and how we, the stupid human beings, are not doing anything...yea la..all we do..is js talk talk talk..and then O.o.

The point of this blog entry, you see, is not really ABOUT the MOVIE. It's about what happened before we got to the place where the screening was happening...and during the screening

And thus, the list of FIRSTs shall continue da bontinue...

First time in Bukit Bintang...i know, shame really. Been studying in KL for like one whole freakin year..and my first time. But there's a first for everything right, so yeah, THIS was Banu DA GREAT's first time, in Bukit Bintang..

First SHYTE EXPRESS WALK towards the monorail station right after we got down at KL Sentral. Dude. I swear. I was walking with HEELS. Short ones but STILL, HEELS. Jessica and Shoba were wearing SNEAKERS. AND NO, i wasn't VAIN or anything kay, to INSIST on wearing HEELS or anything..sneakers are rotting back in college. Aint no fortune-teller to KNOW that I was going to freakin brisk-walk , RIGHT?! Jessica had to rush, cos she was a volunteer at the event..so yea, not whining, k Jess :) Just that, well, it WAS HARD walking with those...sandals..which weren't mine, btw...thanks shoba ;)

And I SUH-WER, DUDE it IS NOT EASY running in traffic with heels! SHYTE la..lols..i'm laffing now, but I SO wasn't at the time of incidence. I just kept repeating, "I'm DEFINITELY blogging about this". That also, btw, showed my addiction to blogging...hmm...nevermind. That's another issue. AHEM

First monorail ride. SHAME really...been in KL like...yea yea..u know the rest, ryte..yada yada yadaaaa...The monorail ride...was..well..a blur..cos then, we had to walk again, SHYTE EXPRESS WALK AGAIN, to Grand Millenium. Joy.

Grand Millenium. Hmm, nice place. It was only 6-something PM, and the screening was starting at 8..so we had time on our hands, Shoba and I. Jessica was already busy with her work, so after registering and getting our ticket (only one, for us both), we headed off outside, to grab something to eat...

When we stepped out, we were approached by this dude...a Japanese tourist, we learned, who asked us a favour, to take a picture of him...we agreed, being the "friendly Malaysians" we are...

And then, he asked..."Are you..Indian Malaysians?"

One or two second pause. And then, "*smile* yes, we are," said Shoba. Then the dude wanted to take a picture of us. O.o

Flashes of our picture being doctored and put up in some porno website or something came to me. (eh, it happens k. ha~)

Then, I studied the guy; bespectacled, carrying one of those cameras that you see only on professional photographers or peeps who know a thing or two about photography, his accent suggested that he was educated...

AND, Banu DA GREAT wasn't getting any negative vibes from him. I'm quite a decent clairvoyant by the way. My instincts never fail me...they don't backstab me even...O.o..so yeah, Shoba and I agreed. We're gonna appear SOMEWHERE, i'm sure...the heck..haha...

What you thinking ar~

Stupid of us? We WERE about to watch a movie called.."The Age of Stupid"...O.o

You know what..don't mind that..crap

He was just a freaking tourist. OK. Roger that.

It was a nice picture of us, though. He let us check it =) HAHA...oh well~~

Then, we walked along the street...for the food. And saw 7-Eleven...JOYYYY.

We figured since the place didn't even LOOK like Malaysia, ONE BIT...things were going to be...a lil expensive...7-eleven should be the safest bet...so yea, enta da benta...

Right before we entered..I noticed this cabbie..staring at us..like..O.o (a a really BIG stare)..that was when I realised..people..generally, around Bukit Bintang..had this LOOK on their faces..this..GAZE..weird ones...like they were cautious? Don't know if that's the right word...

Quite intimidating...but well..didn't put much thought into it...wanta look, look la..teehee =D

So then, I grabbed a MARS bar (why is it called Mars..mcm bar tersebut dtg drpd mars. lame. me writing that last sentence is lame. not the brand. O.o), Shoba a bun..me, kaya and sardin puff. i was so da hungry bungry...couldn't contain myself...thank god for the high mets levels..AHEM..(but I still forgot MnMs..shyte..)

Then we took a walk again...we really did have time on our hands...to Pavilion...there's this fountain right..right at the entrance..so yeah, we saw loads of peeps taking photos..so we joined in..lolz...I was like, "I feel like a fool"..cOS lately, I just don't like taking pictures..why? That's for me to know, and for u to NOT find out..(twinnie, learnt this from u =p). But anyways...good pictures..i think. O.o

I couldn't stand Pavilion. Really. Like..i think I'm sick of malls really...We just walked...till we walked right out. lolz.It was just a one-way walk..and we were out. O.o

Then, we just went back to the Grand Millenium..and took the elevator back to level 2..and saw that the crowd was already growing..there was a queue, for tickets...since we'd already gotten ours, we sat at this lounging area..and spoke..

I came to realise then, that I am quite a social retard. Lolz..really. Ain't kidding. I mean, I talk alot. But yesterday, it was like..I was..in a reverie..a prolonged one..It was like..I was in DEEP observation mode. It was weird..but I don't think I cared. Still don't. Hmm..that's good, i think.

Or it could be that I was just in a daze..didnt sleep the night before wat...woke up at 7 PM de day b4.haha...so yeah...body clock upside down..so maybe, that's why..

Banu doesn't DO shy..or so I thought..Hmm...Oh well~

And now, AHEM, comes the story of the HOTTIE..i said that word, the capitalised one, with full-on SCORN. I hated the dude man. I swear.

So this is what happened...

Shoba and I were just sitting there u noe..in our assigned seats..and this dude, the "HOTTIE" comes and sits on the seat beside me. And I just went O.o. He said HI and Shoba and I acknowledged of course. And then he was like, "Which organisation are u from?"

So I said, "Oh uh, we're here with her (gesturing towards Shoba) friend, actually" And Shoba took it from there. Then Shoba asked, "You're from Malaysia, is it?" Like confirming la..cos he had this accent...dat SUGGESTED he wasn't. So the dude went..."Uh, yea..why...I don't look like a Malaysian is it?"

Shoba: *smiles* Um, cos u don't sound Malaysian...(she said this with a SMILE. a freaking non-suggestive smile. O.o)

I THINK that's what caused him to like totally SHUT down. Like..one moment, he was talking..and the next...it's quite a blur to me now actually..Note that I don't even remember what organisation he was from. That was probably because I wasn't listening.. Remember the thing about social retardation and me? Well yea, this was one of it's manifestations.

And then, he got up and went to the back, cos he was part of an organisation, right. And he held up this banner, which formed the number "350", together with 2 other members of the same organisation.

All this while when he was gone, I was thinking, "Banu, get a grip. DOn't just SIT there and go O.o" I've this really scary BIG EYES, I've been TOLD that, ok..lolz..so yeah, I thought, instead of subjecting the dude to THE unnecesary DEATH STARE, I should...talk. O.o Right.

So, the movie was about to start. And the dude came back. I was like, "Uh hey.."

He didnt' respond.

I thought, um..maybe he didnt hear.

When he was properly seated, I said, "350.." (with a tone that suggested PROMPTING, a CUE)

Dude: Uh-huh.. (looking straight ahead like I was just a FLY or flyin bloodsucka which just BUZZED into his ear which he was trying to swat off)

....................

I just looked at him for about 1 whole second and half a millisecond or something, and just directed my eyes and head back to the screen..muttering in my head, "right..whatever."

Throughout the length of 85 minutes of the movie, I was basically non-existent.

Let me tell u why this bothered me so much.

When Banu DA GREAT watches a movie...she reacts. And the people who accompany her to movies, react as well. To one another. If the dude didn't say hi in the first place, this wouldn't have bothered me. But he did, didn't he. SO yeah, after establishing SUCH an introduction, he just SWITCHES to IGNORE MODE? YYYEA, rrrright. Pissed.the SHYTE outta me. i swear. *exhale*

As I was watching the movie, I just didn't BOTHER reserving ANY comments.. like..i blurted out "What the hell", "DUH", "Yea, right", "Whatever"...I didnt care what the dude would think. These remarks were OF COURSE, to the visuals I saw in the movie. Usually i observe a code of conduct around stangers. This time, however, no hold-backs.

So damned easy to get me worked up, no? Mark that. =D

When the movie ended, the dude gave me MORE reason to believe that he was, indeed, arrogant. (and annoying). There was applause. And he took his time to join in. And the way he applauded? HEH! Meluat aku..i swear..Melodramatic giler..I was amused, to be completely honest. the LUAT-ness came only AFTER the amusement.

Then, he just got up and left. To the back of course. bleh.

Way to go for the display of amazing manners, unidentified hottie. I don't even know why I'm still calling him that. (I didn't bother finding out his name.)

He must have had an aneurysm after the initial presentation of "friendliness". That's the only probable explanation that I've come up with. I swear.

Or he just didn't possess the social competency of handling Shoba and me. Hmm. Nice. =D

All in all..I had a great time..could've gotten a better seat. Actually. HE could've gotten another seat. The heck. I actually have another theory...on why he HAD to sit there, other than the obvious one that the dude wanted to good seat. But heck..i already spent enough space on the dude ryte..

Me dear readers, if you're interested in watching The Age of Stupid...layari la laman web ini..

http://www.ageofstupid.net/resources)

Says here that you can still watch it..online, for a month..free. :) even though official screenings ended today...

Enjoy da benjoy...

p/s: i REALLY would THANK GOD, PROFUSELY (even make a vow to be a nun in my next life)..i swear...if the "hottie" reads this..maen..aint a crime to hope, no? hmm...

pp/s: JESSICA, THANK YOU :) for the opportunity...

Like this..or..like that?

2009-09-19T00:54:00.009+08:00

Dude. I swear

I'm in a state of pure confusion now. Seriously.

I was browsing http://thestar.com.my..you know, just going through headlines and stuff...and then one headline caught my eye; "Dr M unfazed by "slipper" remark, remembers worse insults"

Of course, my reaction was automatic..like a knee-jerk, to click on the link. Tun Dr Mahathir is like..this icon, dude. I idolise him for his headstrong attitude and his ability to speak his mind without fear and hesitation, always with admirable credibility.

And so, I was interested in what he had to say about the "slipper garland" comment made by Sukumaran..this dude in MIC la..(me malas wanta say more, seriously don't want to politicise me blog dude)

He's a witty guy, ya noe? so duh la..i wanted to read...so, what's the deal u ask...well..

Here's an excerpt from the article that has caused much confusion to Banu Da Great. tch tch tch...

On Sukumaran’s wish to apologise to him, Dr Mahathir said: “Apologise also okay, don’t want to apologise also don’t matter. It’s only when my own people hurl insults at me that I feel slighted.”

You know what STUNG? the word "OWN". Well, okay..on second thought, i understand la, that it means people of his race, Malays.

This is how my brain interpreted what Tun said:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! DEI. i don't care if u say sorry or not la. Makes no difference. Slipper wat? Right. Pfffft! (laughs off in da background). BIG DEAL. *laughter continues till he coughs or something"

Further analysis by my intellect>>>>> I (Tun) am Malay. YOU are Indian. OK?

And after THAT interpretation, I just went....O.o

Like, uh...owhkayyyyyy....

I tell u la ar..dear worthy followers of this phenomenal blog, AHEM...

Tun, seriously, I KNOW you are a respected UMNO nationalist. You stand up for your race's woes and importance..well-being...anything regarding Malays, you are, by all standards, the best advocate of their rights and whatever it is that concerns them la k. Totally understandable and trust me when i say that I have the utmost respect for you, for those reasons.

True...

But ah, is this what I think it is ah?

I mean, from one side...there's Najib, preaching about 1Malaysia about how we have to unite as ONE nation, and respect each other..bla bla...REGARDLESS OF RACE.

Actually, you know what. Let me provide you, me readers, a brief definition of 1Malaysia la k?

OK, screw that. Go and find out yourself la dei..lolz..seriously. I just tried to find a definition, you know, that's easy to comprehend..something concise. Did I find any? You know the answer right. Ha~ DAH!. 1Malaysia
Click that and you shall be directed to that page, wokai?

I'm sure most of you know what is it about la anyways...right..

Ha~..It's basically a concept coined in an effort to strive for unity. Since we're of a diverse community and all la kan...

So! Back to the topic at hand. (I blabber alot, i know. It's what I do best). I'm having a conflict now. Between what Tun is saying...and what Najib is saying.

Honestly, and simply put la kan, I understand THIS about 1Malaysia:

If we were to become ONE Malaysia, then,

there shouldn't be any of those "Saya Melayu la" or "I'm Malay/Chinese/Indian/etc" claims from ANYONE.

UMNO, MCA and MIC should be dissolved. I mean, what need is there for representatives of races if there's only going to ONE race, the MALAYSIAN race right? If we really are so caught up in politics la right, that we HAVE to have political parties, then create Party Malaysia or what la right (i reallly hope there isn't any party that exists with that name, already. Kalo ade pon, er...GOOD la..lolz) Why do people call it PARTY anyways? It makes it sound like it's something FUN or something.. heh~

As far as I'm informed la right, the three main parties that make up Barisan Nasional, the UMNO, MCA and MIC (i don't know why they always come in that order. O.o) were only united back in British colonial times, somewhere around..um..1954, dekat2 nk merdeka, ha, that time la, TO PROVE to the British that we, the people of Malaya, are CAPABLE of being UNITED as A NATION. ONE NATION. That goal was obviously achieved. They saw it happening, and thus, independence was ours. :)

(OPCOZ, there was more to it la..but this ain't no history lesson) O.o

And then...it continued...what for? I mean, ok. UNITY had to continue la, DUH. But the segregration...the party thing...like seriously...what for?

In short la kan...BANU DA GREAT is CONFUSED

Hmm...

I've got loads to say seriously...but well..."the liberty of speaking your mind, is well and alive in Malaysia, but it's your liberty AFTER the speech that's in question"

And dude..i love my country. Malaysia. MY country OUR country. Which is why I even bothered commenting.

=D

Health Hazard

2009-09-17T20:50:00.003+08:00

Friends.

Trust me when I say this.

The art of grooming your fingernails. Yes, the ART, doesn't matter what gender u are la ar..ko nk buat manicure ke..pedicure k..watever cure la..i swear...must be taken seriously.

I made the grave mistake of cutting one of my ten fingernails a tad little too short.

It might sound menial. But TRRRRUST me, it ISN'T, OKAY. i swear

You can't do a damn thing without going YEOWWW!!!!!

The people around me..i pity them..especially Sammy..she has to put up with my damsel-in-distress yelps...at LEAST 5 times or so, a day. (damsel--yelp...O.o don't really go together, but well..you get wt i mean la ar)

So yea, friends.

The art..administer it WISELY.

You will regret it if you don't. i swear. O.o

Just had to comment

2009-09-07T12:44:00.002+08:00

Banu da GREAT..is feeling very da sad..

Wanna know why...

You know what..i don't think i even WANT to say it la...

That's crap la..cos den, i wouldn't have started this post in the first place, right. Ha~ Crapo

Okok..so here's the thing

Cow-head protest...

O.o...

Ha

What you thinking ar?

ha?

Ha?

I tell u what I'm thinking la..dei..i swear...

I'm fucking saddened by it...like seriously.

Note that i just used the f-word man...means wat...u tau la kan..dat i'm really sad..hello...

Saddened to the point where there is only numbness..in the place of hurt and anger...

Well...the thing is...I'm an Indian...a Hindu...so the action of those protesters who stamped on the bleeding cow-head (a religious symbol/animal to Hindus)....well....it doesn't really anger u...i mean of course it angers you..but it doesn't stop there.

Lemme tell u how it makes me, as a Hindu

Unwelcome
Accused of being too demanding and selfish
Afraid that the future of Malaysia as a multi-racial, ethnic..religious..all things multi la k...is going to come to a horrible end..
Makes me feel like a long-due immigrant

Actually..it also scares me..cos just yesterday, my family and I...bro, sis, dad and myself, were on the way back from my cousin sister's engagement..in this temple, somewhere near Taman Melawati..or Kampung Pandan...when we were coming out of the place la...my dad was like,

"This is where they slaughtered all those China men.."

My dad's an old-timer...and since he was speaking about the past, he used the word China man la..but understood la ar..it wasn't "50 years since independence" back in 1969 right...thus, the address.

When my dad said that, I could sense that he was saddened...and at that very moment..he was reminiscing the event....

And i just blurted out, "I got a feeling it's gonna happen again...."

Seriously...i dono where THAT came from man...it just came out..and i was scared.

Note ah.I..Banu DA GREAT..admitting to being scared...

(I get scared for a lot of menial stuff...but ah..let's not talk abt dat now la k)

Anyways..AHEM..back to the topic at hand...

People.

It's scary yo...really is...

I just don't get it u noe?

Like why are they so opposed to it?

Fanatics? I so don't want to resort to name-calling...but kah-mohn la....

To the people..the protesters, here's to you..i just wish to say that...

"Don't worry...this country is yours...We know our place....And..i guess we're sorry? I don't know what to say...but to apologise...hoping that it will calm you guys down...seriously dude..peace. "

P/s here's an interesting article I read on thestar online.

http://www.thestar.com.my/columnists/story.asp?col=bravenewworld&file=/2009/9/3/columnists/bravenewworld/4632278&sec=Brave%20New%20World

quoted from thestar, kays..peace _\/_

ARRGHHH!!!

2009-09-01T10:36:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I just groaned.

ARRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!

and again...

ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!! OKAY???!! ARGGHHHH!!!!!

Just fuckin' stressed man. I swear...

Assignments..

......

......

Uh..well..actually it's just that. Assignments. That's it. Nothing else!

Only THAT and I'm feeling so stressed already? No wonder the suicidal thoughts!

(don't worry. It's not like I want to hang myself or anything..i was just wondering u noe..how would it be like...to cut myself..like would it really hurt ah weh...just wondering! i swear..i know it sounds really emo. but NO..really. it's just one of those discoveries that you just hafta make..like..will the blood go spufuuuckkkkk!!!! out of the artery...or..wat..O.o)

But ah..really la..assignments..waaa~~~!!!!!

And...well..right now, in my apartment..i'm playing Macaulay Culkin..you know..that home alone kid (who's a man now and who's being rumoured to be Prince Michael II aka Blanket aka MJ's third kid's dad. Dei. That would mean Blanket is Mj'S GRANDSON tau..wow. it's an accomplishment man. to be a grand dad :) )

So yeah.

I'm playing HOME ALONE.

Alone in that apartment...for the second time..in a year...aint too bad this time around...first time was shyte. Don't wana recount it...

This time, i had the radio blaring wayyyy into the night..lolz..and just dozed off...but didn't really tido mati...we'll see how tonight goes..

Missing my German friends...so badly..not cause I'm alone or anything la..but they were SUCH GOOD, KIND, HELPFUL, FUNNNN housemates...haihzz...

Missing Looney worst of all... :'(

Haven't heard from her since she landed in Germany....*sigh*

Matcha! If you're reading this...get ur arse on fb man...FAST.

Till then....

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Perplexing...

2009-08-30T15:37:00.002+08:00

Perplexing..yes. Very much indeed. This whole MJ thing..

It was his 51st birthday yesterday...the 29th of August..

Wrote a note on the official memorial site... http://www.michaeljackson.com/sites/mjackson/memories/index.html

Just went back to the site..and believe it or not..i felt my eyes getting hot..tears..shit la..i swear

I mean, I'm a fan of him and his music ryte? I've never even MET the guy... Are all fans feeling the same way as I am?

Lost..

Confused...

Angry...

Regretful....

Man...a myriad of feelings..all negative ones at that...it's like..i lost a family member or something...

All my life, I've never actually grieved anybody's death. Even family members. Other than the brief moment of sadness and loss, I didn't really..you know..connect to the loss...

This time...this person...this genius...this STRANGER....HIS death..has affected me greatly..i don't know why...and u noe what..i aint gonna rant about it la weh..i swear...getting emo is just embarrassing...and the sadness just gets worse...

I'm just wondering if everybody else who's a great fan of Michael and who loved and still loves him is feeling the same way....then, i know I'm not alone...

I'm sure they are..yeah..pretty sure...

If there's one thing I learnt from Michael's very sudden demise...it is that...this is life...

People come..and they go....every living thing on this Earth..HAS to go someday...that's just how it is...And those left behind, till their time comes...we just gotta accept it man..life on Earth goes on...it doesn't stop, does it...sad truth...

I thought I was fine..you know...2 months since he passed...but well....i believe i speak for the world when I say that the world never is going to forget Michael..Never. He's gonna be a part of us..

You know, like how a habit sticks to you..or like a profound dream or experience that you had..a memory that just doesn't fade from your mind...it's just there...maybe not glaringly..but it's there...in some corner..somewhere...you realise it's there...you get reminded of it every now and then....and it's difficult when that happens, and you tell yourself that everything is going to be okay...some things in life are just out of your control....and that you really can't help feeling that way...*sigh*

It's just confusing that a stranger's (only in reality) death can affect one so much...

Happy birthday, Michael :)
Might be an hour and a half late..i still want to say something..

I speak for the whole world when I that say we MISS YOU...dearly...greatly...
You've inspired me just like you've inspired the whole world..and you'll always be in my heart as my most favourite performer..my idol..a genius...

May you rest in peace...wherever you are...and may God love your children, family and friends...just like you loved them...xoxo...

That was my note..on the site...damn...

You know how people say that when something bad happens, you just gotta face it? Embrace the situation and all that comes with it? Don't be in denial and that acceptance is vital and all that...And that it really would be better, it really would make you feel better? CRAPSHIT. i swear.

Watching Michael's music, interview and dance videos is fun. I find myself enjoying it immensely. But then, knowing that the guy is alive no more..man..that feeling just sucks..i swear...i just hope this..thing..gets better with time..time heals, right...it better.

I was just thinking...

2009-08-28T20:58:00.003+08:00

You know..I was just thinking..actually more like..wondering. About these things...

Why can't I just SIT and COMPLETE my LDV assignment? Ha? WHY? I just CANNOT seem to do it. I HAVE to have several blog pages open, my Facebook homepage, and I just CAN-NOT keep my fingers from fiddling with Windows Media Player...daem..

Where's my discipline man?..heh..like I had it in me in the first place..

Holidays..actually more like a freakin short break..is about to end...*sob*

Twinnie..missing you. You've got some explaining to do missy... O.O

HOW can i forget my nail polish remover? What is it doing in the locker back in the freaking hostel, ALL the way in KL??? why would the locker need it la wei...haiz...nails are just in a PERFECT state. Joy.

It's Shoba's birthday. Her LAST birthday which is going to be with her family..for the next three years...and the house is pretty much dead...no celebration whatsoever... :( Must be because of all the stress associated with going abroad for the first time..poor thing..

Have you noticed how the curry that mum (in my case, dad) makes always tastes better the next day...

My neck has this automatic lever to it..it just maneuvers itself to the right..where the telly is situated...and just stays there for as long as it pleases...i swear.

Blabber blabber...yada yada yadaaa....

dRama bebs ;)

2009-08-27T14:21:00.002+08:00

Yo! Peeps! Drama da trama dude!

Check out me shoutmix widget, on the right>>>>>>

Coolness beb ~

This...ahem..person..AHEM..by the pseudonym that she has chosen to use, GUEST, has been providing quite an amount of entertainment, i must say.

I know who the person is, lolz..duh, it's not hard to guess, but maybe for extra fun, both of us have decided not to acknowledge that fact i think. Of course, I said that i know who she is, but I have not really used her name. Yet.

You see..what happened was..this girl, she kena bang la..the reason: for being over-sensitive. Touchy. ReallY. I swear she has a realllly minute sense of humour..which is why this whole banging-on-the-blog thing started le.. If only she had laughed it off, all this drama wouldn't have taken place. But then again..hahahah...if she DID have that sense of humour, we wouldn't have had THAT much fun, now would we? hehe...

And for SOME reason, she's blaming ME for it. Hmm..weird. And doesn't make sense, really. O.o

ANyways, enjoy da benjoy la ye..>>>>>

Hmm..Interesting.

2009-08-22T23:09:00.002+08:00

Came across this interesting article on long-distance relationships on MSNtoday.

It definitely caught my interest because I was involved in a long-distance relationship once upon a time.

The article was entitled "Four Secrets to Long-Distance Relationships".

Let me just summarize the thing, okays?

Here goes

Secret #1
Disagree, but Don't Argue

"We listen to each other — we disagree, but we never argue," says Answerology member stillagoodguy1. "We hear each other's point of view, and either reach a middle ground or just drop it."

Going to bed angry is a bad enough feeling to start with, but couple that with hundreds or thousands of miles between you and you have a recipe for disaster. Keep State of the Union discussions in-person only if you can help it, and get out of the habit of texting entire conversations instead of calling. There's more room for miscommunication and misunderstands via text, so avoid typing something you'll regret later and make it a rule not to hash out relationship issues, big or small, over text.

Hmm..good point. This is what I think of it:

-Reaching middle ground or just dropping a subject, is FINE at the beginning of any relationship.. True, when two people first get into a a relationship, be it their first or consequent ones, they want everything to go smoothly. They give it their best. Right. Totally understandable.

-What if "reaching middle ground/dropping the subject" is a slow but effective catalyst of an impending reason of a break-up? What if it is proof that the partner has clearly no respect for his or her partner's opinion? Dropping a subject is just another way of saying, "Yeah, whatever, I still think I'm right. Whatever you say is just coming in THIS way and going out THE OTHER"

What happens next?

Resentment. You start to begrudge the person. However, there'll be this disguise of tolerance running through your head. And then one day, you find yourself saying, "You know what? I've had it with you. that's IT" And yada yada yadaaa...."i'm breaking up with you"

Of course, all this doesn't apply if you really ARE tolerant O.o

OK. Moving on

Secret #2
Keep It Fresh

"We always act like the relationship is brand-new," stillagoodguy1 adds. "By keeping it fresh it always seems like it is. We send each other cards and texts and gifts and talk four or five times a day; the last being at her bedtime so that there is an 'I love you' hanging in the air until our morning call."

Renew that puppy love feeling often — keep flirting with each other and doing the little things you did when your relationship was just starting out. When you can't see your significant other, it's all that much more important to remind them how much they mean to you. So go ahead and be corny — bring on the "just because" gifts, old-school love letters, and cutesy nicknames!

No comments. This almost made me puke. I swear. ACT like it's new? ACT? Right.

Secret #3
Communicate Every Day

Answerology user ptawillis was stationed thousands of miles away from his sweetheart for three years while in the army. His secret? "We kept in touch daily and wrote each other as often as we could."

Talking every single day might be overkill in a normal relationship, but when you're long-distance, lack of communication can prey on insecurities. Reassure each other of your commitment with some kind of daily communication, whether it's a morning phone call or impromptu text messages and e-mails. It might feel tedious sometimes, but try not to let yourselves slack — it's important to keep each other up-to-date when you're not involved in the day-to-day of each other's lives.

Hmm...i thought absence ought to make the heart grow fonder. In my case, this was definitely true. I think my ex and I spoke too often, until I felt suffocated. I hated to admit it. But then, it was the truth..so..yeah. *sigh*

Secret #4
Live Your Own Life

kanji2000 reminds us, "Just realize that your partner still has a life that he/she has to live." His long-distance relationship went sour when his girlfriend planned their wedding ... before he had proposed! "Don't push for marriage immediately just because you miss your partner sooo much," he warns.

An ocean between two people has a tendency to add an intensity and urgency to the relationship that might not necessarily exist without the distance. Keep things in perspective, and be patient. It's important to talk about the future and keep the conversation going about your plans to eventually be in the same zip code, but don't push for a commitment before you're ready. And don't let your relationship consume you and get in the way of your daily life. If you can't make it through dinner with friends without breaking out your laptop and Skyping your significant other, it might be time to step back and shift your priorities.

I probably shouldn't write what I'm gonna write next in my blog. But I don't think I have a choice. OK, actually I do - the choice of NOT writing it. But hey, guess what..instincts telling me otherwise. And I always follow my instincts. Almost, always.

To whom it may concern:
Secret #4 is exactly what I had in mind when I said what I said. It just didn't come out right.

I don't mean the marriage thing, aite. EW. ok..you know what..I'm just hoping against all odds, that you DO get what I mean.

I regret it very much that things turned out the way they did and there definitely IS a another reason as to why I broke it off. Not sure if I told you so. But yeah, there is..

I hope you get what I mean..

I don't know what I expect from this whole..confession..

It's because of this indecisiveness that I'm not talking it out with you in-person..

May God bless..

B**B**

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemcmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=20968505&gt1=32023

that's where I got the "secrets" from..oh well..totes to the author..was worthwhile reading..=D

Hehe..

2009-08-22T16:54:00.002+08:00

Yo..check out the first track man..HA-HA

Ntah knpe..Suddenly into AR Rahman songs..this one from Mudhalvan, Kuruku Siruthavale..man, just LISTEN to the music...*sigh*

Er, jgn terkezut when the second song starts aite..lolz..total contrast to the first..GaGa!

Bang bang =p

2009-08-18T13:38:00.004+08:00

Really into Lady GaGa right now. Always been actually..just on a bigger scale right now. Listen to the first track on this page k. You'll see the reason why i'm so da interested. The third and fourth song has got a link prob..broken for some reason..will get it fixed soon. (that's what the site said O.o)

You know..there are all these rumours about her not being a woman and all..some went as far as saying she is both. 0.O

Haha..whatever le..i still love her :) Admire her for her courage and voice as well as her music. She's just ALL that you know...the style..and not being hypocritical about it just adds to the reason as to why i adore her.

Her CD, the fame has been on replay like..since forever..lolz..just can't get over it...Wonder if some of hits like starstruck for instance, will get released as a single..hmm..this is the CD cover..as most of you would already most probably know

maen...

Partay!

2009-08-15T23:20:00.003+08:00

Ehehm. Had a small-scale class party today. It was supposed to be a picnic, but we couldn't really decide on an open space to have it, so yeah, easiest option for all - had it in our dear WARM class.

Miss Pat : ouwh..it's really warm in here! that's to show how warm the class is. I swear, she says it EVERY SINGLE TIME she comes in for a class. No offense intended Miss! I love you =p

Digression. Digression. Di----gression. O Banu.

Back to the subject matter. Party. Right. So yeah, we had this party..lots of FOOD, as you would have naturally assumed and the VIP, our Social Studies lecturer, Madam Caroline. She was the one who came up with the whole idea of having a picnic. You know, to lighten things up. That reminds me; "TODAY IS SATURDAY, OKEYH! Not in work mode" (Caroline, 2009).

AGREED.

So yeah, today IS Saturday. And we had class today! Joy.

You know, I actually expected the day to be morbid. Ghoulish. Retarded.

But it wasn't, strangely enough 0.0

We actually had this interesting discussion during Language Development. Topic?

The discipline level in schools have deteriorated (Mr Mark had a moment of undiagnosed, and totally unintended mental slow-down while spelling out this word on the board. He said that it's a different, writing a word, facing a whiteboard as compared to writing it down on paper. Hmm, I couldn't agree more..imagine having 52 pairs of eyes on you while you write. Freaky). Why?

We had to discuss the topic amongst ourselves and present the points that we managed to come up with. I'm not gonna write out all the points here k. I swear I'm starting to behave more and more like a teacher with each passing day. Hmm.

SO yeah, the points were presented, by word of mouth. No PowerPoint presentation or "mahjong" paper all. Must say, that it was way more relaxing.

We actually spoke about how a teacher should handle problematic students, students with serious disciplinary problems. The example that he gave us: students caught selling porn. In school. How would you (us, future teachers), handle a situation like that, should we be the ones who caught the said student. It was intimidating, that question. The adjective intimidating means to discourage through fear.

Fear because of the worry that the repercussions to whatever action that any one of us would take, as a teacher, might be damaging to the student, or even to our careers. What concerned and still concerns ME, was the reverberations the action might have on the student.

Mr Mark did say that punishments like public caning can be extremely damaging to a child. I refer to a school student, be it primary or secondary, as children. Seems more appropriate that way. But ah, rest assured aite? Ain't callin you guys "a kid". =p It's more of a..i don't know..profession-related thing? Maen. YOU SAW THAT. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ME BEHAVING MORE AND MORE LIKE A TEACHER. ok. i'll stop there. Banu.

So yeah, ahem, he suggested one solution: Take the student aside. State the facts, right out. Tell him or her that you are in a state of perfect awareness of what he or she is up to and you would very much appreciate it if he or she limited his business OUT of school and the other students. Be firm. Make it clear, WHO'S boss.
(He didn't really say it in those words, but yeah, you get it)

Of course, there definitely is a bigger problem that wasn't addressed - the dude was selling porn man. That's like..let's see: one of the worst forms of degradation of the modesty of both men and women, a repulsive addiction, a total waste of time, it's perverted and HELLOH!...it's against the freaking law man.

But ok..let's not get too emotional. I believe I AM right to say that there IS a bigger problem. But it looked like, from what Mr Mark told us, that that's the situation in today's world. We cannot possibly risk lashing out at the student, chide him or her openly and expect no negative outcome. Ahem, outcome concerning teachers k..teacher's side. Gone la u if you do such a thing. You come out of the staffroom one "fine" day and find your car *horror*..your beloved i don't know..suzuki imprezza or something SCRATCHHHHHHED...KIEEKKKKKKKKK (Mark, 2009)..hah. sakit hati no?

I think Mr Mark has quite a pragmatic approach to the whole issue AND at the same time, he ACKNOWLEDGED that there was INDEED, a bigger problem. Nevertheless, from where I see it, he's not going for the neck right away. He is actually sneaking up to the whole...ok wait. This sounds weird. Lemme rephrase..hmm...

OK. I think I've got it - he's being more subtle. There's no need to act rashly. Make it a win-win situation by being calm la right. Sounds all right to me.

Next, we had Numerical Literary. Joy. (No really, JOY)

DR LAWRENCE aka DR LAW! (Khalid, 2oo9)

What a delight. Seriously.

Not gonna write about what we did for the class except of course...Nanuland creatures..funnaaay as usual. =p Sam, Shy and I were talking about "balls" again...Note: the last sentence is open to LOTS of connotations k. Feel free to make your own. It's a free country (*raises eyebrows*).

I must warn you, though. *Whispers* It's not what you think it isss.....0.0

And then..after break..during which the table that my buddies and I sat at was immensely popular. lolz..seriously, table-for-four became table-for-what...-six?(doesn't sound like many, but the table is seriously small, okays?) Muaahahah...=p We were once again on the topic of "balls". Interesting.

The next event of course brings us back to the so-called "subject matter", ahem, of this entry: partay! 0.0

I really am talkative, am i not. Hmm. Joy. For real.

p/s: To all the lecturers mentioned in this post, Madam Caroline, Miss Pat and Mr Mark and Dr Lawrence, I have the utmost respect for ALL four of you and whatever I might have quoted from you, shows how much I concentrate in class. eheheheh...really. Love you!

pp/s: please..forgive me for my retarded referencing skills. Dr Laaawwwrence, hehe. sir. 0.0...:)

And thanks Madam Carol! For the wonderful afternoon :)

obladi...oblada~~~~

Of writing.insomnia...and tui...scouts..

2009-08-12T02:19:00.008+08:00

Damn. The past few entries in this blog...has been about identity crises. How very sad. Hmm, I'M SNAPPING OUT OF IT.

High time I did that.

ANYWAYS, BREAKING NEWS::::: I'm gonna write a book. I don't know what is it going to be about. So yeah, that's the point of this entry, to ask for suggestions. I don't really know what genre I would be best at...romance? Vampire stuff? Horror? Chic comedy? Drama?

Right now, chic comedy or drama sounds most appealing..hmm...we'll see.

Lookie the time...2.25 AM..and I still can't sleep...I don't see the point of sleeping tonight, you know. I slept like a log in the evening anyways...lolz..

Tomorrow's Wednesday. And you know what Wednesday means right....

SCOUTS.

WHY...WHY....OH WHYYYY....

I SWEAR. I don't see the point in it. We start at 2.30 PM..which really means 3.30 PM ahem..and then it goes on till 5 PM...4.30 PM if we're lucky. What do we do? Well..for the past few weeks..it's been lectures in a freaking classroom...and then KAWAT. Besides the severe boredom I face during the freaking lecture, which comprises of SONGS, FREAKING SCOUT SONGS..some apose apose..., the KAWAT..ok..is SO NOT doing much good to DA SKIN okay...like seriously...call me vain, whatever...but YES..it's annoying...I love you SUN..but seriously...WHY...

I'm TRYING to be a good sport about it. Seriously. Trying to see the FUN in it all...Thank god for the NANUland creatures..and a few others, humour is always well and alive...Other than that...heh..forget it.

There's gonna be something different when I get ready to go to class in approximately 5 hours...

I'll be donning THE SCARF. The scouts' SCARF. JOY.

Lizard.

2009-08-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

Haha. Lizard. Right.

During our Numerical Literacy class today..a lizard from NanuLand made a surprise visit. It was quite a visit, I must say. What an entrance..tch tch tch. Wow.

Female shrieks..all over..phenomenal. o.0

What the 51 of us did not realise was that two other visitors from Nanuland were already amongst us, in disguise. Perfect ones at that.

Crap.

There really was a lizard though..a really huge one..Shy managed to get a picture of it..Wonder if he'll post in on his blog...*Sigh*..life without a camera..how very unfortunate~

Anyways..did the "in such a night" scene today..during play practice. Man..lemme tell you, it was..well. funny. Seriously.

Khalid aka Nanu was well, his usual wacky self. Which..i don't know, made things easier? Well yeah, it was funny. That, I can tell. I just couldn't stop shaking..silent laughter.

I have these few lines..like 3? And then, I just sit there while he, Lorenzo blabbers on and on...and I just make "super" tersipu-sipu looks...smile..and just..be..you know..a girl. EW.

I just hope I don't yawn on the real day man..like..the rest of the scene..i just SIT there. No. Actually that was just today. I just sat cos I could stand no longer. MY HIP was killing me. o.0..Yes. Standing actually hurts the hips. Legs didn't really bother me. But yea. Hips.

Jessica. HOW the heck did I look like to Miss Hendon and Madam Z in the auditions man. LOL..yada yada yadaaa...GOD, save me. Do everything in your power to stifle my yawns for the day k. Cos I swear. It's gonna happen.

Epiphany...

2009-08-09T00:29:00.004+08:00

It's been a weird week...A week full of realisations...and new insights...new ideas..epiphanies..

Sounds so da philosophical, no? Haiz...

You know..I just flipped through my journal; I have not written much...Not a big surprise..I have been writing in my lappy, but I guess it's not the same..holding an actual, solid, tangible pen and writing...seeing the words being formed..one by one...it's a whole different feeling, than typing...can you already sense how bored I am....damn...

I shouldn't be bored, to tell you the truth. I've got assignments..I should be busy working on them...but hey guess what..I'm not..ha-ha.wow.Banu. 0.o

Maen..I'm starting to think that I need to do something else...something new, something exciting..but I just can't put my hand on it..you know, pin-point exactly what I want to do. There's this urge...to prove myself. I'm not sure to whom, could be to prove something to myself, or to someone. I'll figure it out. I think.

I mentioned that it has been a weird week ryte. Well yeah, it's not just this week, it's been like that for quite some time now. Recent events got me thinking that I was a social retard. Seriously. Like, I was being odd and that it was scaring people off. Identity crisis; that's what it's called, I think. And I seem to be getting that alot these days...so yeah, it got me thinking.
And then there's those people. Talking to them, brings back my confidence that there's nothing wrong with me. Of course, I came to the conclusion that the earlier conversations that made me feel weird, were with the wrong people. It just doesn't click with some people, you know? Then, I quit wondering, but got a different idea instead - epiphany...a moment of sudden understanding...

I was quite a different person..say..5 years? ago...I was quiet, reserved and didn't have a lot of friends. I kept to myself as much as I could. People used to be scared of me..at least that's what some confidants told me..lolz. They saw me as this short-tempered person, who rarely smiled and didn't know how to have fun. Some called me a nerd who always surrounded herself with books and all things academic. Part of these were true. Some are still true, some are untrue. It all depends on the person who's observing.

Come 2005, I started to change. I still don't know what caused the change but I guess it was because I started to get lonely. I didn't mind the solitude till then. I didn't even realise that I was this gloomy person; i was happy being myself. I started becoming rebellious..i was 15, and yeah, could be the teenage thing..I started scattering my room with stuff. I was a neat-freak before that. I started going against my mum and sister...That was all at home. In school, I made more friends. I was LOUD, funny and I sang out loud in class...I was always jovial...of course, there were the relapses...but yeah, I was different and finally, with friends. This went on till I was in form 5. Seventeen. Hmm..

College. I maintained the personality. Correct me if I'm wrong, but friends usually describe me as: outspoken, friendly, crazy, bold, smart, I even got all-american-girl..lolz..Well, true. But I failed to realise that there is a downside to all of it. The person whom I was 5 years ago, is still here. I couldn't accept myself for who i was; I thought I HAD to become this totally different person.

I was improving myself. That's one way to look at it. I wanted to become a better person, someone who was well-liked. I wanted friends. Lots of em. I guess i overdid the whole change thing.
People took advantage...as a result..i didn't get much respect..I was TOO friendly...i gave in too much..I wanted to treasure each and every friendship i had. That's close to impossible, really. I realise it only now. I was this people pleaser you know?

So yeah, the epiphany thing i was talking about...it's this: I must accept myself for who i REALLY am. I don't have to change if I i don't want to . Changing is fine as long as I'm not forced into doing it. I was denying myself the freedom of being Banu.

I don't mind if I'm alone. I enjoy being alone. The solitude is non-suffocating. I'll talk to people only if I want to and if the situation requires me to do so. I don't have to pretend to like someone I don't. I don't want to paste fake smiles on my face anymore. Indifference...could be bliss at times.

I'll be who I want to be..not someone people expect me to be..

Finding Peace

2009-07-23T12:50:00.002+08:00

Often, I've heard of people saying that there will be a point in your life, where you will start to wonder - What were you born to do? What are you here for?

The above two questions are not about ambitions or about career prospects...it's something deeper than that. I always looked at life as something that was..mysterious. The mystery is of course, the future. It might be futile, trying to figure the future out. You could always plan, yeah..but god decides right. *raised eyebrows* (really?)

I think I've reached that point. I've started questioning...just about everything. Used to be so sure of every decision I take..

Everything has just flipped man..i swear. So much so that i am so not at peace. Music helps..but not for long. You know what they say: prevention is better than cure. So yeah, music is just like this temporary fix, and then the stupid feeling comes back again. And i'm pretty sure that it ain't PMS. 0.o

Maybe I should try yoga..haha..*sigh*

Point is, i need to find myself, be sure of who I really am. What are my plus points what are the minuses..bla bla..everything there is to know about myself. A friend of mine suggested that I should look into the mirror, observe, and then I would know. Tried that one before, and I ended up looking away after less than 3 minutes? I got scared off by my own reflection. Weird, huh. Oh well..I might try it again you know. Better luck this time, hopefully.

I've got one question, is being who you are difficult? Like...when people say "Just be yourself" Is it supposed to be difficult? Or what? Like if I'm to be REALLY MYSELF, man..it will be like all hell broke loose...like are there rules to be followed?..I've been in college for a little over a year now, and I'm not quite sure if I have adapted to the environment well enough. I mean, if i had, I wouldn't be writing about this right..So yeah, to those who know me..you guys are my mirrors...so just comment away...Would really appreciate some insight...:)

"ha-ha"

2009-07-11T20:12:00.002+08:00

Play productions...hmm..intriguing...i had the faintest interest imaginable in the whole idea when it was first made known to us that we were to stage a play come September. I auditioned...duh, cos it was compulsory..otherwise, i don't think I would have been bothered...seriously. There were two rounds of audition and the first one was to be done in pairs. We did have a choice whether to do it in pairs, in a trio or in two pairs...but most of us did it in pairs. The first round, i auditioned with Sam...Sam was Jessica...I was Lorenzo..lolz...well, told ya i wasn't interested...but anyways, when i went through my lines while preparing for the audition, I actually started enjoying it, to my intense surprise. OK, maybe it wasn't really that intense, but yeah...it felt weird, ya know? In a good way...blah...why the heck am i writing this down??? i aint gonna blog about this man...it would be an interesting entry, no doubt..but whatever...

That's how this entry was supposed to be...

in fact...that's how ALL my journal entries are...the above transcript is a censored version actually...god knows where i got the budaya swearing from...0.o...

OK. Update on the MJ ting...well, i tink im coming to accept the fact that he's gone..he's like.. this.. legend now...of course, he was a living legend before this...now...well, he's represents a real legend (does that even make sense...)but yeah, u get wat i mean...i still get teary-eyed and extremely touchy when someone mentions his name and makes fun of him...(like seriously, ppl..u gotta stop doin that man, i swear)....BUT..otherwise, im fine...outta the shock zone...

Next addition to my CD collection..is gonna be Thriller...im only buying it now for like..a collection kinda ting...i have all the songs registered word by word, melodies, rhythm, the beat...everything, in my head...so yeah, gonna buy it for keeps sake...*sigh*

watch it...

2009-07-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Difficult times...

2009-06-30T08:51:00.002+08:00

Michael Jackson's dead....i would really want to stop here..but no..i figured i had to write this...

ON the day he died...Thursday..25th June 2009.., forwarded an SMS to my whole mobile's contact list...informing them about the news...some sympathised (with HIM, not me, duh) as in shared my sorrow aso la...and some made fun of it..like..."haha"...i was like..god..ppl! do u KNOW who i'm talking about?

People just didn't know the magnitude of the sadness, you know? Like...MICHAEL JACKSON just passed on..shockingly so...and they just couldn't be bothered!

When I heard the news, i couldn't do anything..it was like as if time had come to standstill....i think i teared...i tink, cos i can't really recall my initial reaction to the damned news...This overwhelming sadness came over me..and couldn't concentrate on anything...

Hitz.fm was playing his hits...i heard Thriller..and then Vincent Price's voice...and then i heard the news..."...Michael Jackson has passed on this morning...at 4 AM..." i just couldn't believe my ears...

For those who are close to me..and know me well enough, you guys would know that i just ADORE michael..i just cannot put how much i adore him in words...it's like..he's this monument...u noe, actually..i cannot compare him to anything...he's just different...Even with all the problems in his private life, I dont think i ever despised him...i just loved his music...so much...damn....

There are people out there who claim that he's faking his death...Part of me is hoping that it is true..i just don't want him to go...not just yet...He's just too young...like..he's freaking 50...why can't he die like when he's 90....or later???why HIM?

I know i might sound unreasonable...but i can't help it....He should not have been taken away when he was about to make a comeback...screw the comeback...God just shouldn't have taken him...now..

I say this with a HEAVY heart...: Rest in peace, Michael...i'll miss you..

It's worth every penny dude...

2009-06-18T18:42:00.002+08:00

ELOH eberibadi...u noe, i was just scrolling down and looking at some old posts..remember de post about metabolism? About how skipping breakfast can make met levels go shooting outta da roof? Well...i mentioned that it freaked me ryte...i'm not so sure about being freaked, now. Cos..i'm still waking up late..like..really late....i swear. Haih..guess i wouldn't really learn my lesson till the extra pounds start showing...u noe, dat really sounds scary...AHEM..never mind.

Anyways, to the topic at hand...worth every penny...bcos...u see, when I went to de movies about 3 days ago, (short info: aeon, bkt tinggi, Drag Me To Hell) we stopped by at Popular after the movie and I thought..hmm..maybe I should get a CD..like a song CD...i know, it's lame. I mean, it does...in an age where u could just download de damn songs into your ipod or watever..and i go spilling bucks on A CD. Well, since my baby lappy crashed, I ain't taking any risks man..i swear. dem viruses...and ya, i DO know about all those bull about antivirus software..but it aint just working man..after all...it's better to cegah than ubat ryte..so yeh..and...A CD collection always luks good..

So yeah, I'm gonna start secara kecil-kecilan. I bought the first CD..for like 46 bucks..i swear, wen i saw de price..i was like..."it's ok banu..it's gonna be worth it..breath"...it was that Pure Ballads 2008 ting la..and it had all things wonderful, timeless classics as well as a few new hits..so i just hadta take it, ya noe? And so, I did.

Shoba was like standing a few feet away, talking to her frens..actually, dey were standing like a few cd RACKS away but I could hear dem laffing like dey were just beside me. So yeah, I was like.hmm..how am i gonna get past her...cos like duh, she would brainwash me then and there about how i shud spend my money on something more useful. Actually, she wouldnt even talk about spending. She will just give me this you-really-want-to-spend-50-bucks-on-a-cd-ah look. Like really puppy eyes look weh, that wil make you wana buckle on your knees and just BAWWWL for even LOOKING at the CD. I swear. She is..capable. (no offence k shoba, i lebiu :) )

So i thought..."oh chill it banu...just walk to the counter...de cashier wit de nice smile and "nice" glasses is sitting ryteee der..just go..and pay...and de cd is yours"..so yeah, dat's exactly what I did...and i have not regretted it...i mean, de songs ARE timeless...so y not ryte...It's been on replay since...I'll be going to pick my fully recovered baby tonight..and i swear...to GOD..dat i wil only use it for assignments man..no more downloading..really. I'll DIE if it crashes again.

I did have a hard time choosing between Thriller and the one i bought ya noe...nvrmind...MJ's next..really. *kisses 50-dollar-note* (im so sorry)..damn...

i.am. BACK.

2009-06-12T21:44:00.002+08:00

Actually, I have been back since Wednesday..blogging only today because..well...i have been in shock..and i don't seem to be able to get out of the heavenly comforts of me bed. Seriously. Like today, i got up at 5.55 PM..yeh,i figured that a 5-something PM would sound better than 6..haha..it does, ryte. Anyways..

SO yeah, i was away in me grandparents home..and guess what..it wasn't too bad. Only one unexpected event; met my cute cousin. haha..i hope he doesn't read this but even if he does, rest assured, Anna (bro, in tamil), dat's what u are..my BRO..hehe..so yeah, it was great to be able to talk to him. Cos, trust me, Shoba and I don't DO talking in Penang when we're visiting. 0_o..i haven't the damnest idea WHY...seriously. So yeah, for once, we were there and actually talking. Must be college that has changed me.

I mean, it used to scare the shit out of me when I see this uncle of mine..my mum;s youngest bro..my grandparents have 9 kids, so yeah, u get the picture. So it's like really..suffocating...like crowded la..wen we go to Penang. So wen i met this particular uncle, i was like....oh boy, here we go again...dude, he even comments on the very instant of me yawning. YAWNING. like..he points to his son and says..."hey, what time did u wake up dis morning? look at him, he is not yawning"...

i was like...-uhhuh-..."well, ppl don't yawn only because they're sleepy, right? it could be dat im bored". I don;t know if he heard that, but he didnt say anyting. wtevs...

And..dude..de kid's a freaking 6-year-old, aite? Kids and hyperactivity come TOGETHER. Always does. No exceptions. So yeah, hellloh...im NINETEEN (I will b in 4 months) and he's SIX..doesn;t that tell u anyting? don't get ideas that im OLD ok..it's just that i have ENERGY for OTHER tings..not family reunions wer all the makciks and pakciks talk and laff for god-knows-what. And they don't do ANYTING quietly...they just HAVE to shout.....

This trip made me think...made me want to reconsider my stand on kids. I don't tink i HATE them...i'm more inclined to liking them now..but not LOVE them or anyting...i wouldnt wana go, "oh my..look at that baby..isn't he adorable???" *stupid grin, followed by annoying cooing*. I could die.

But yeh, i just dislike them. My cousins, Kishen and Shaviina, one is 6 (yeh, de same yawning dude), and the other's 5...they are..okay..and kinda funny...il post some of the videos shoba took of em..later on..i dono wher she stashed de cam..we'll see

It was js super fascinating to see kishen doing math..like..he SCREAMS his head off...so da excited to even know what 6 + 2 gives u...HA-HA

Shaviina on the other hand...queen of manipulation..the kids' parents have got a lot more to come..good luck u guys...

The trip also gave me more reason to NOT have kids in future..seriously...il be doomed. I'd rather drown. Be right back wit something else. I am still in a shocked state.

WHY AMMA WHYYYY....

2009-06-07T13:14:00.002+08:00

We're going to Penang today..ARGHHHH!!

I..am..so not in the mood. I might sound like a spoilt brat who is so damn self-absorbed that she vehemently despises the thought of visiting her grandparents. You know, it's not really that...i am self-absorbed but i LOVE my grandparents. You know what they say, grandparents can actually understand you better than your parents sometimes. So yeah, i have no qualms about seeing them, it's just that the timing is not right, dude..i swear

Shoba is leaving to the UK in about 4 months or so. I'll be stuck here till next year, September. Which means, i'll still be in Malaysia to celebrate Diwali with my parents and relatives, as for this year. Then, WHY do i have to go to Penang??? NOW??? doesn't make sense...

Amma just called to tell us to pack our bags..If there's one thing I hate, it's packing. I'm GREAT at making a mess but not clearing it...you should see my hostel room...worse than a pig sty..but it doesnt smell like one!..haha..just looks like one...so yeah, if i were to start packing, i won't even know where to start..the bag, to begin with, god knows where the heck it is...then the clothes..god..scattered all over...arrghh....im freaking dude..i seriously am...

Wonder how many days are we going to spend in Penang..Penang, or more precisely, Bukit Mertajam, it's wer we're headed to, is a nice place...definitely more peaceful than Klang..My grandfolks live in Kampung Berapit..which is a quiet and inviting village...with sleepy old people...actually, that sounds boring...but no, it's nice cos it's QUIET...exactly what I need...I rather lounge in the bungalow rather than go around Penang ya know..but dad doesn't agree..he wants to go sight-seeing! Man...whyyyyyyy.....as much as i like going out with my friends...i am not hardy..u noe? like..i can't stand more than an hour's of shopping..i can't walk for long..and i sort off dislike mr sun a little...so, PLEASE, PLEASEEEEE...ayya, just STAY in paati's house k...no going out...il FAINT..i swear...

Shoba isn't too happy as well...well, at least i have company in misery...and now...the freaking lonnnnnng journey...before that, god do i have to say it again....PACKING. bodo..

Banu da Great

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Wat da..

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How?

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I am saying things...O.o

........

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2010

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